Category Archives: Steakhouse Reviews

Filet Mignon, Midtown East, Other Cuts, Porterhouse, Rib Eye, Steakhouse Reviews

Smith & Wollensky

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Smith & Wollensky overall score: 82

HOLY SHIT!  THIS IS THE 50th STEAKHOUSE I’VE REVIEWED! I’ve been here once before, but that was before I started doing reviews. I remember thinking it was in my short list of favorites at the time, so I needed to come back and give it the old once-over, JP style. The verdict: not quite as incredible as I remember, but still a solid dining experience.

Flavor: 7
The flavor here was good but it lacked a little seasoning or salt. My rib eye was cooked nicely, but there definitely was a little bit of bleed-out – like that time of the month when broads start to bleed from their vadges. I think if there was more crust or char on the meat, the juices would’ve been sealed in better. They definitely let the meat rest properly before serving, so they got it mostly right. They DO have a steak sauce here that they pop on the table after you order your food, but it tasted more like a BBQ sauce to me. Perhaps good on chicken, but it would fuck up a good steak, in my opinion.
28oz Bone-In Colorado Rib Steak
28oz Bone-In Colorado Rib Steak

On a return trip, I tried both the prime rib and the cajun rib eye.

The prime rib was pretty good. 7/10.

The cajun rib eye was good too, but when compared with Greenwich Steakhouse, it just doesn’t hold up. 7/10.

Porterhouse: 7/10.

“Plaque Steak” filet mignon for two: 9/10.

Choice of Cuts & Quality Available: 8

The selection here is all prime, and dry-aged in house – so it is nice quality. You can taste that in the natural flavor, and that might be why they are light on the seasoning. Some places don’t want to tarnish the purity of a nice cut. They have five different styles of filet, four of which come in two sizes. They have single sirloin cuts in two sizes AS WELL AS a sirloin for two and a NY sirloin (strip). Then there’s the Colorado rib steak, a Cajun marinated rib steak, a prime rib, and a porterhouse for two. Last, they have “sliced steak Wollensky” in two sizes as well, which is another sirloin of some kind. That’s a lot of fucking beef to choose from.

Portion Size & Plating: 9

My steak was 28oz, bone-in. That’s a good-sized slab of meat on the bone – like Lexington Steele. I didn’t ask about the sizes of the other cuts. I’m sorry about that, assholes. Plating was basic steakhouse styling.

Price: 8

Prices here range from $45 to $54 for proper cuts of steak. The Colorado rib steak, which I had, came in on the higher side of that range at $53. It’s a bit high compared to other joints. Was it worth the money? Well… I guess. I can say yes if you are a purist. If you are like me, though, and sometimes you want a little crust on your steak, then you might be better off elsewhere for this price range. I did think the crab claw was over-priced, though it was delicious. I was hoping for a little more than one claw – like maybe an entire crab.
William Price
William Price
Bar: 8
The bar here is nice, and it reminded me of Keen’s a little, though not quite as incredible. It has an old feel, it smells like a bar, and the bartender is fancied up with some nice attire and even has an Irish accent. The martini was made perfectly, and came with three unpitted castelvetrano olives instead of your normal bullshit cocktail olives. Very nice – almost worth the $14 you pay for it (before tax & tip). I will be honest though – I hate NYC’s east side, bottom to top, but especially midtown. I never hang out there, and I most likely wouldn’t go there just for the bar unless I lived in that area (which I would never do). So there you have it.
bar

Specials and Other Meats: 8

Our waiter didn’t read us any specials, so I was assuming there were none… until we overheard another waiter take a surf & turf order. I have a feeling my wife might have ordered that had we known about it. It wasn’t on the menu if it was a special – I’ll chalk that up to a service mishap. For other meats, they had braised short rib, lamb chops (which my wife ordered), roasted veal chops, and lemon pepper chicken. The lamb chops were thick and juicy, and cooked nicely – not too gamy. They came with an utterly horrific mint jelly (on the side, thank God), which tasted like melted mint gumdrops – those big, granulated sugar covered ones that you get from a crystal candy dish at your dead grandmother’s house. Mildly reminiscent of tooth paste. Fuck that shit.
lamb
Apps, Sides & Desserts: 7
To start, I had the colossal Florida stone crab, which to my dismay was just a claw and not a full crab. It was absolutely delicious though. My wife had the famous split pea soup, which was very smooth and tasty, but ultimately nothing to rave about. On the side we had creamed spinach. I had heard good things about it here, but I wasn’t impressed. I prefer a leafier creamed spinach in general, but I am not opposed to the pureed type. Here it was pureed, but I thought it lacked punch. It was nice when you slathered it on your meat and took a combo bite though. For dessert we shared a disappointing slice of the bourbon pecan pie. The nutty top part was nice, but the inside was a little too gelatinous and fake tasting. It just didn’t compare to the walnut pecan pie at Sparks.
pie
Coconut cake:
Carrot cake:

Seafood Selection: 9

There is a ton of seafood here. In addition to a full array of shellfish and regular fish for cold apps (tuna tartare, clams, oysters, shrimp, crab claws, crab cakes, lump crab meat, lobster, towers and plateaus), they also had a solid fish selection for entrees. Three to thirteen pound lobsters, or lobster tails by the ounce, plus a variety of preparations available for red snapper, king salmon, halibut, Dover sole, and Ahi tuna. There is even a special preparation of Dover Sole Meuniere. But seriously – three different crab apps available here?!?? I almost made some warm jellyfish in my pants. Our waiter told us that the seafood “bouquet” contained 12oz of lump crab meat (Is that a fucking mistake??!? That’s HUGE!), six jumbo shrimp, and lobster (I’m guessing half of a 1.5lb fucker). As I said above, the crab was awesome – just over-priced for a relatively small portion.
Colossal Florida Stone Crab Claw
Colossal Florida Stone Crab Claw

Service: 10

The service was great. Well – let me rephrase and elaborate. The hospitality was INCREDIBLE, but the service was just good. First the negatives – and these are very minor, mind you: (1) We weren’t told about the surf & turf item. (2) I WOULD have ordered a beer to go with my steak but the waiter was sort of unseen after he took our orders. I still had half of my martini from the bar when we sat. My wife ordered a glass of wine, but I wasn’t ever asked for a refresher on my drink. No biggie – it saved me $8. Now for the positives: (1) They didn’t charge us for the pecan pie dessert. It was “on the house” as a gift for my wife, since we let them know the dinner was to celebrate her birthday when we made the reservation. That was awesome – especially since we didn’t really like it all that much anyway. It even came with a candle on top. (2) They have a guy opening and holding the door for you on the way out, and he will even hail a cab for you. I thought this was nice and classy. (3) I was given a hot, damp towel after I finished my crab appetizer. Let’s see – what else… the table bread wasn’t warm, but it was tasty – and came with a good variety of stuff to pick at, like the crispy flat bread, raisin nut bread, Italian bread, pretzel bread, and some sesame seed rolls. The butter was a little too cold to spread on anything though.
Table Bread
Table Bread
Ambiance: 8
The wait staff are all dressed nicely – mainly men as far as I could tell – in suit jackets. The decor was that of a traditional steakhouse. It had exposed brick in some parts, and a cream/tan colored paint job on the others, with old photos and artwork hanging throughout. It reminded me of what Ben Benson was like – even down to the bull head meat sign hanging in the main dining room. The bathroom was nice and clean, all marble, with shelves of thick hand towels for drying. Apparently one guy found it nice enough to drop a deuce in there, because he was laying some underwater cable while I was taking a piss. I should have taken a picture of his pants wrapped around his ankles from under the stall door.
UPDATE: EARLY 2019
I now have a plaque on the wall here, thanks to the fact that my buddy is a waiter and the manager remembers me from way back in 2013 when he was at Quality Italian.
It’s right above the entryway into the main dining room. Anyway, a few items to report on:
The lemon-pepper roasted chicken is absolutely fucking amazing:
That is a best of 2019 dish for me.
The oysters and clams on the half were excellent. Nice and fresh.
Another best of 2019 item is the strawberry cake that comes with an ice cream cone. Crack!

SMITH & WOLLENSKY
797 3rd Ave.
New York, NY 10022

Midtown West, Rib Eye, Steakhouse Reviews

STK (midtown)

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STK (midtown) overall score: 87

Flavor: 9
The flavor here is pretty much ALMOST perfect. I think what drops it one point from perfect is due to the quality (which I address below). Seasoned nicely, nice full flavor, and cooked close to perfect (a slight bit of bleed-out, but nothing serious). The bone-in rib eye is delicious. I ate every bite. Even the fat was, for the most part, really yummy. One or two spots were a little tight, and the fat cap was a bit on the small side, but still – a very tasty meal. The steaks even come with two complimentary sauces. I chose the blue butter and the horseradish sauce. The horseradish sauce was the big winner, and it was similar to the cream served with our oysters. When it comes down to it, though, I barely used either sauce. Not necessary with just good tasting meat.
steak

Choice of Cuts & Quality Available: 7

The selection here is great. On the regular menu they have two types of rib eye: bone in, and cowboy (differing mainly in size). They have a porterhouse for one, and two sizes of filet. I didn’t notice a solo strip on the menu, otherwise that covers the basics. In addition they also have some braised beef, which is nice. The only draw back is that the steak I had was a bit tight in the main part of the cut. A little tough, or grainy. I think that has to do with low intra-muscular fat, or marbling. With more of that, the meat becomes more tender and flavorful. Perhaps some more aging is necessary.

Portion Size & Plating: 8

At 20oz for the rib eye, 24oz for the porterhouse, 34oz for the cowboy, and 10-14oz for the filets (boneless or bone-in conundrum filet), the portion sizes are nice! The sides were a bit on the small side, but our waitress Kathryn alerted us to that and recommended we order two sides instead of just one.

Price: 9

Prices are fair. Our steaks were $49 a piece. Not cheap, but not pricey either. use your own judgment regarding flavor and quality ratio for the price. I, personally, probably won’t come back, given the other places I’ve been to, but it certainly isn’t a bad meal at all. The martini was $15, also average. Sides were a bit hefty at $12 for a relatively small portion size. They were tasty though.

bill

Bar: 8

The bar here is pretty cool. There are two bars, actually; one toward the front of the restaurant, and one in the back. I had a drink up front: the bar is a nice white marble counter. They serve a nice martini, and there is a good specialty cocktail menu too. I don’t think I’d hang here often after work, but it is a decent joint for a drink.
martini

Specials and Other Meats: 10

On special there was escargot for an appetizer, a boar chop and porterhouse for two for entrees, and lobster mac & cheese for a side. As far as other meats go, there was plenty of duck on the menu, some pork, chicken, lamb, and braised beef. Not too bad. They offer a $65 price fix deal too; four courses. but it is probably best to pick the fish entree, because the steak entree they offer is a measly 4oz filet. TINY!  Smaller even than Shula’s!
Apps, Sides & Desserts: 10

To start, we had a dozen oysters, which consisted of half east coasters and half west coasters. Both were mild, creamy, crisp, cold and delicious. They came with a really amazing light, airy horseradish cream. For sides we had sauteed broccolini and creamed spinach, of course. The spinach was low on cream, which I like. Very tasty, though a bit salty. The broccolini was perfect; firm but juicy, with a slight char, and accompanied by some crisp fried onions. For dessert we had the bag-o-donuts (Ayyyyyyyyyy… Fuhgettaboutit!!! You fuckin’ FUCK!). They were MINT! They were filled with a nice cream sauce, and came with jelly dip. COME ON! Perfectly fried.

sides (with steak), and donuts
sides (with steak), and donuts

 

Seafood Selection: 8

For seafood there was only tuna and a market fish (which I didn’t catch – BUDDUM TSSSSSSSSS). Plenty of shellfish and raw bar selections, with three sizes of seafood platters available.

Service: 10

The service was great! Our waitress Kathryn has been in the business a while, and it showed. She was helpful, attentive, and gave us the perfect amount of space and privacy to enjoy our meal. She was helpful with the selection of food, and answered all our questions about specials and menu items. The table bread was really nice: warm, fresh baked in a small cast iron pan, covered with melty butter. But the down-side — served with a very bitter parsley pesto oil type of deal. It needed sugar or salt to cut the bitter.

bread
Ambiance: 8
The ambiance was okay. It was a modern joint; not a traditional steakhouse vibe. High ceilings, elegant decor, lots of big glass floor-to-ceiling windows, etc. My friend and I commented that it felt like being inside of a whale; not a whale’s vagina (San Diego), but a whale – like the mythic/Biblical Jonah. The music was a mix of pop and classic rock at first, but halfway through the meal the music got VERY loud, and the music became a variety of different mega-mixes, where each dong only lasts 15 seconds before being terribly mixed into some other track of the same genre and/or decade. I took two points for that alone. Otherwise it falls in line with places like Primehouse (deceased) and Nick & Stef’s (the old version).
ambiance

STK
1114 6th Ave.
New York, NY 10036

Filet Mignon, Full Points for Flavor, Midtown West, Rib Eye, Steakhouse Reviews

Strip House (midtown)

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Strip House (midtown) overall score: 95

I was really psyched to hear that Strip House just opened up a new location in midtown. Let me tell you… I had one of the best steak dinners in my life at this place. Not only did Strip House Midtown provide me with one of the best rib eyes I’ve ever sunk my teeth into, but the waiter Scott recognized my “name” on the business card I gave him while we were paying the check.  He alerted the general manager, Eric Hammer. Then Eric knew who I was, and he alerted the executive chef Michael Vignola! He helped open several Strip House locations all over the place – we got to meet him, and take a quick tour of the kitchen (which was absolutely beautiful, clean, and state-of-the-art, by the way). Check Michael out, in all his expediting glory:
It turns out that Michael knew who I was too, and they all follow this website! I was totally stoked that I was recognized as a meat man! Anyway… After we settled up the bill, me and my buddy Paul were treated to a private tour of the kitchen. Eric and Michael truly represent the future of meat and steak at Strip House, and in NYC in general. They are young, passionate, extremely skilled, and fucking spot on. Expect a long line of excellence to come from their “loins” in the future. The meat biz is looking spectacular to me right now. These guys have taken the concept of “pinnacle” to a whole other level of greatness. But the best part of this kitchen tour was that we also got to meet the REAL man behind the meat. RAPHAEL SANCHEZ. He is the guy who fired up all the steaks to perfection. Check him out – notice all the tickets dangling – it was fucking JAMMED in this place!!! Great for business!!!:

A second trip proved to be just as awesome and then some. I went with a group of 7. Michael and Eric once again did an amazing job, and this time I got to meet a great operations manager named Bill Varcoe. The personnel here are just incredible. I really can’t speak enough praise about them. They even threw in some freebies for us; a gazpacho amuse, a tuna tartare dish, and several desserts! Huge delicious cheese cake, massive layered chocolate cake, profiteroles, and baked Alaska! Check out the updates in italics below.

Flavor: 10

I’ve been to the other Strip House downtown several times, and I’ve pretty much tried everything on the menu at this point. With any new place, though, I always have to go back to the standard order for a review: the dry aged bone-in rib eye. It was fucking insane. Nice and savory, juicy as all fuck, and perfectly cooked from end to end. There was not one speck of gristle or fat left on my plate. I ate every glorious bite. Look – I went at it so fast that I only managed to remember to take a pic of it at the last minute, when I had one slice left. Note the perfection of color and the juicy reflection in the flash. My buddy had the filet, ordered medium rare. It, too, was perfectly cooked, though mine packed a hell of a lot more flavor (we both agreed).

I managed to remember to take a picture of my cote de beouff special (for steakhouse month). It was 34oz of glorious rib eye, and I ate every last scrap. I must say though – the standard rib eye had better flavor.

1040641_10151647341338592_1242088031_o

Choice of Cuts & Quality Available: 9

The selection here is pretty much exactly the same as the other location, with the exception of a “Kosher Rib Eye” that I noticed was added, so no change in scoring here. And every cut is awesome. You can’t go wrong, regardless of what you choose to eat. Here, you can even be a pussy and order a petite filet and still pass muster in the judgmental eyes of Johnny Prime.

Portion Size & Plating: 10

The sizes are all the same here as the other location. Steaks are filling, sides are large enough for two or more, and apps are generous. Eat up, assholes. Eat until you pop, or poop.

Price: 9

Prices here are the same as downtown, which surprised me because I expected higher rents and overhead at this location to drive up the cost to diners. Strip House is always always always an absolute great buy for the money. This is the best steakhouse business/chain in Manhattan, so fucking go for it.

The bill from my second outing is below. Really fucked up problem here  –  my buddy who did the math on the tip messed up and we under-tipped at around 15% when we meant to give more like 25%. I vow to make it up to Chris, our waiter, who did a freaking fantastic job at our table. I think we were about $60 short of what we meant to give. Hilarious part about this: we had an accountant at the table.

strip house check

Bar: 9

The bar here is nice. It’s large, and good for hanging after work. Definitely a place I could see myself hanging at. The martini was made perfectly to boot. Belle, the bartender, was great, and it turns out she is a friend of a friend whose wedding I shot as a photographer.

Specials and Other Meats: 9

They had some great steak specials here, and for alternative meats they had veal and lamb. A nice rounded selection of meat for all carnivorous tastes. I was set on the rib eye, so I didn’t pay much attention to what else they had. Fuck that shit. I had my order decided before lunch time.

Apps, Sides & Desserts: 10

The midtown locale has basically the same choices as the downtown restaurant. We tried the clams on the half shell (really nice and crisp, briney, creamy, and mild), the lump crab meat (nice and lumpy, generous size bowl of meat), the slab bacon (fucking MINT), and the pancetta creamed corn (always a favorite). You can’t really go wrong with ANY side here, but I think the creamed corn and bacon might be the best of the best at any place I’ve been in the last 5 years when it comes to apps. Our clams were fucking incredible though. When clams are this good, and clean, I actually prefer them over oysters (BLASPHEMY!). I had some dessert on round two. I must say the portion sizes are tremendous. I only tried the cheese cake of the four items they brought out to us, but it was damn delicious!

Seafood Selection: 10

For seafood you have lobster, sea bass, and salmon. They also serve gigantic U6 shrimp, and have an incredible array of shellfish and cold/raw items on the appetizer menu.

Service: 9

The service is unreal. Our waiter, Scott, was absolutely perfect, and referred to me as “Mr. Prime” a few times after I passed him my card at bill-paying time. HA! He even saw me drop a fork and he quickly swooped in to replace it. I would’ve just wiped the fucker off and used it anyway. At first we were seated at a high table near the bar and entrance area, but I asked for a switch and a guy named Derrek helped us out. I made the reservations over a month ago, so I was a little upset that we had a junky seat. When they switched us, we were still in a tight area – tight like a virgin’s puss… crowded, close quarters, a little bloody, shy, scared, etc. But, we really enjoyed out meal, so I can’t complain too much. The bread was warm (the pretzel bread was delicious), and the butter was soft and spreadable (like a whore’s puss). Very nice way to start out the meal. Another cool thing was that they gave us a freebie amuse between the apps and main courses – a shot of smoked potato soup with parsley oil. It was tasty!

Ambiance: 10

Strip House is a brand; so they have a certain style and image that they keep constant among their restaurants: old timey naked pics of chicks, aka broads, aka birds, aka hoo-uhs. The joint has a speakeasy feel; dim lighting, and lots of deep reds in the color scheme. It’s great. The midtown location delivers on that just as well as the downtown location, but with higher ceilings and a second level. Great bathrooms too; single user jammies, really clean and nice. I’d feel totally comfortable dropping a deuce in those fuckers if I had to.

PS – you might have taken a look at the bill and wondered: where the fuck is the booze? Well… Paul and I put back a bunch of booze beforehand at a workplace cocktail party. It saved us some cash. Notice the addition of quality meat consumed by me before we even got to the restaurant. If I see meat, then I must eat… And yes – that was two different kinds of prosciutto, with a glass of fucking scotch (I had three glasses of scotch before dinner, and about six slices of prosciutto).

Just a quickie here: this is Michael Vignola giving a quick recipe demo on how to cook a filet:

STRIP HOUSE
15 W. 44th St.
New York, NY 10036

Full Points for Flavor, Midtown West, NY Strip, Rib Eye, Steakhouse Reviews

Delmonico’s Kitchen

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Delmonico’s Kitchen overall score: 91

YES! A new Delmonico’s opened recently in midtown. The original is one of my top joints, so I had to give this place a try.

Flavor: 10

I had the rib eye (Delmonico steak), and it was pretty much perfect in every way. Much like the original location, the cuts are top-notch, cooked properly, juicy, well rested, crusted nicely and extremely flavorful. It was served with a nice stack of fried onion strings, similar to what they do at George Martin. It was a great way to add a little saltiness with each bite if you wanted. On a second trip I tried the strip steak, and it was equally incredible.

Choice of Cuts & Quality Available: 9

The selection here is very similar to the original, with the addition of a “butcher’s pick” – I wonder though if that is just the butcher choosing one of their standard cuts, since the item was simply a Delmonico with a dollop of Maytag and served as a composed plate with asparagus. No matter, though, because the quality is fucking ridiculous anyway.

Portion Size & Plating: 8

The sizes are great – slightly on the smallish side, but you can eat every bite. Same as the original location. Plating is basic; neat and clean.

Price: 9

Delmonico’s is always a great buy for your money. The prices are average but the quality and flavor are top-notch – that makes for a really good deal. A single cut of steak tops out at $45, which is great compared to other places that go as high as $55 for a steak.

Bar: 9

The bar here is fun. There’s some booth seating across from it in the main entryway, so you can sit and eat in the bar area if you want as well. Lots of foot traffic near Penn Station brings in all manner of people coming in for a drink. The martini was done well too; with three big olives to top it off. And speaking of big… if you’re a breast man, you can sit at the bar and check out the juggy bartender with tits the size of melons bobbling out of her top.

Specials and Other Meats: 9

There were several specials: one from each section of the menu. Duck ragu pappardelle for the pasta item, a grilled salmon for the fish item, the “butcher’s pick” (Delmonico with blue cheese and asparagus) for beef, and a baked apple tart for dessert. As for other meats, they offered chicken – that’s it! And not their classic ala king either – it was another preparation. Now, I am a purist, but they could benefit from a manly pork chop or even a lamb item to round this section out.

Apps, Sides & Desserts: 9

This portion of the menu selection is similar to the original restaurant. We tried the oysters, the creamed spinach, and the classic Delmonico potato item, which was a ramiken of cut up potatoes, skin on, baked with cheese, bacon and spices. it was fantastic. The spinach was just like the other joint: not quite where I like it to be, lacking just a little something. Oysters were absolutely incredible: creamy, briny, and delicious. Only down side is that they did need a bit more shucking to get the meat fully detached from the shell. Also, we dug into the hamachi crudo (bright with blood orange flavor, fresh and light) and “wagyu” carpaccio (deep, rich, and peppery) appetizer items – both were thoroughly enjoyed and we wished we had more. The dessert menu was completely different here than the other restaurant, as far as I can remember. We tried the Boston creme beignets (which were like little zeppoles with a Boston creme flavored pudding and chocolate syrup sauce) and the chocolate hazelnut mousse (which came with a small scoop of coconut ice cream). They were both really fucking decadent and delicious. If it was socially acceptable, I would’ve rubbed the shit all over my balls and sat there for a while in pure bliss. On a second trip I tried the crab cake eggs benedict. I was expecting a hocky puck of soft, lightly bread crumbed crab cake with some poached eggs on top, but instead it was a ball shaped cake with one fried quail egg on top. It wasn’t bad at all – just not what I expected (call it egg benedict – singular – not plural). Also the cake itself was a little hard – too much crisp on the outer egde for my liking.

Seafood Selection: 9

You’re pretty much limited to lobster, day boat cod cassoulet, and the catch of the day for entrees (which was a grilled salmon). But there is a great variety of seafood for starters (both hot and cold) to “tide” this section over. Yeah that’s right. I put the word “tide” in “quotes” in the “seafood” section of my review. Pulitzer. My wife tried the Lobster Newberg this time around, and it was pretty good!  She ordered a smaller sized portion, but it still came with a lot of lobster meat. It was flavored with leeks and fennel, and served in a light broth, almost soup style.

Service: 10

As to be expected at a Delmonico’s establishment, the service here is impeccable. Our server, Aaron, was fabulous, and the manager Dennis came over to the table and hung out with us for a bit and told us all about the new establishment and how things were happening with hurricane Sandy and their grand opening. Great guys, the both of them. The table breads were warm and varied from raisin bread, to “everything bagel” flavor logs, to olive bread. And the butter is whipped, smooth, creamy, soft, and sprinkled with a natural salt. Really nice way to start the meal. Only bad thing was that when I placed the reservation online, I said we were celebrating a friends birthday. No one wished him a happy birthday. My experience with online reservations has always been that places make an effort to do a little something when you put notes into the form. On the second trip, Aaron waited on me again, and not only did he remember me, but he also remembered my drink. Now THAT is service…

Ambiance: 9

Inside there are a couple of distinct dining areas on the main floor; one is set up more dim and upscale/modern, and the other is more casual kitchen style, and brighter too. It’s nicely done, but it just lacks what the original location has, which is that rich history. Still – it is very nice for a second location. We had a great time and can’t really say anything bad about it. The bathrooms are nice too – beautiful, unisex, large, single-person/individual shitters with nice thrones, wide, dark, wood-planked floors, and even a small flat screen TV so you can watch something while you piss or shit out your meal.

DELMONICO’S KITCHEN
207 W. 36th St.
New York, NY 10001

Filet Mignon, Midtown West, Rib Eye, Steakhouse Reviews

The Palm (west side)

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The Palm overall score: 81

A last minute, game-time decision landed my wife and I in The Palm at west 50th street and 8th avenue for a quick meal. It was an interesting experience; a rather colorful fellow named Ray sat at the table next to us and took interest in this blog. He chatted with us for most of the meal, so it was almost like a 3-person dinner instead of just a date with my wife – a triple date. I’m sure he is reading this now; hey Ray! It was good “meating” with you. Enjoy the review!

Flavor: 8

The ribeye was juicy, it had a great char and crisp all around, and it was cooked just to my liking (an even medium throughout). The intramuscular fat, or marbling, was high quality and I could taste the goodness that melted into the meat with each bite. The only down side was that my particular cut had a fair amount of gristle that I couldn’t chew through. There was a slight amount of bleed out (needed another minute or two of rest), but totally not a big deal. My wife did a surf & turf special that came with a nice sized filet; it was cooked perfectly, and very tender, but it just lacked a slight amount of seasoning.

Choice of Cuts & Quality Available: 8

The selection is solid here. They have all 4 of the mandatory cuts, but they embellish on some of the better ones. For example they have two ribeyes; a boneless and a bone-in. They also had a strip that was cooked with cherry peppers on special – tempting, but I am a purist, especially on my first visit to a place.

Portion Size & Plating: 8

The sizes are good here, and everything seems to be prime caliber. The ribeye was 24oz on the bone, and 18oz off. The strip was 16oz. Filets are 9oz or 14oz, and as I mentioned above they don’t skimp out when you do the surf & turf deals. The creamed spinach was tremendous (see pic below) – unfortunately I only had two bites of it. The servers forgot to bring out the doggie bag to take that home (couldn’t finish). Oops. The plating was basic, and it’s really simple to achieve: cook meat, place meat on plate, serve. I’m cool with that. But that little bit of parsley?!?? Make it cilantro and I’ll eat it. Parsley is as useless as tits on a bull. I’m a fucking man for God’s sake. I don’t need a sprig of parsley on my plate or a tweel of balsamic infused chocolate sticking out of my potatoes for that matter (didn’t happen here, but it DOES happen). Dear chefs who do that: Go fuck yourselves. Sincerely, Johnny Prime. PS: What’s the difference between parsley and pussy? You don’t eat parsley…

massive creamed spinach side

Price: 8

Check out the bill below and make your own judgments. I thought it was a fair price for an above average meal. Normally our bills come to a much higher figure. The surf & turf deal for $50 is a nice bargain.

Bar: 8

I didn’t spend any time at the bar, but it is in a good location, near the street, and it gets hopping after work. The martini was made well – up, very dry, with olives, and a little dirty.

Specials and Other Meats: 9

The Palm had a bunch of specials. One thing that bugged me, though, was that oysters were a special and not a regular menu item. In addition to that they had a lobster cocktail special item, a strip steak with cherry peppers, some italian food items, and a pumpkin creme brulee. In addition to that stuff, they offer several kinds of surf & turf deals (3 courses for $50 – the menu is pictured below); some with shrimp, some with lobster, etc. As far as other meats go, they have lamb (under the chops menu), veal and chicken (under the italian menu). Perhaps a pork chop would make for a good addition to the menu.

Apps, Sides & Desserts: 7

My wife had a basic mixed greens salad that came with her surf & turf. I had the crab cake. It was excellent – lots of meat, but still had good crisp texture. It came with a chipotle sauce that was perfect for an occasional dunk, and beside it was a cherry pepper and mango salsa; very nice. On the side we had creamed spinach, as usual. It was a little heavy (too much of the “cream” and not enough of the “spinach”), but you could tell it was made with top quality cheeses. For dessert we shared a pumpkin creme brulee, which came with my wife’s surf & turf (see below). It was a little grainy due to the addition of pumpkin, but tasty nonetheless.

Seafood Selection: 8

My wife had a lobster tail in her surf & turf. The bite I had was nice; crispy edges, juicy inside, nicely cooked, but she said the remainder of her tail was a little overdone. A shame – anyway you can see the entree below. As I mentioned before, the crab cake was excellent, but the oysters should be a staple and not a special. From the looks of other tables, the lump crabmeat was a generous helping. The Palm offers lots by way of various lobster items, and they also offer salmon, sea bass, and swordfish.

Service: 9

The service here was excellent. Our waiter was Martin, and he was very observant and concerned about our dining experience, our seating location, and whether we needed anything. In particular he was concerned about whether Ray, at the table next to us, was a bother. Absolutely not! I enjoy yapping it up, and Ray was really interested in this blog, so I say bring it on. Our new buddy Ray thought his waitress was too attentive, but I thought Martin was just right for our table. He did a good job of explaining why the bone-in was better than the boneless ribeye, and I overheard other waiters giving the history of the Palm, and what the drawings on the wall were all about (see below). Our table bread was a nice mix of different items. The butter was cold, but whipped and nice; just a little hard. The bread could’ve used a little warmth; it was room temperature. Throw that shit in the microwave for ten seconds or some shit. The only down about service was that we asked for our creamed spinach to be wrapped up to take home, but it never came out to us (not Martin’s fault – it was taken by the bus boy). By the time the bill came out and we paid, we had forgotten about it. Oh well – that’s a little bit my fault too, so no big deal. I just hope they gave it to a bum or something and didn’t throw it out.

Ambiance: 8

The Palm has tons of drawn faces all over their walls. Apparently if you spend enough time and money there, they will immortalize you in cartoon form on the walls of their establishment. As you might expect, lots of famous people have their faces plastered on the walls in there. I had the privilege of looking at Jason Alexander and Mel Gibson throughout the meal, as they were depicted on the column nearest to our table. The story goes that young artists with no money used to create drawings of celebrities that dined there; in exchange they would receive a plate of spaghetti from the owner. That’s the lure and legend of how it all started. Cool. Other than that stuff, the ambiance is standard for steak joints: dim lighting, dark wood, and it smells fantastic. The tables were a little close together where we sat. It’s a good thing my wife and I are friendly people, otherwise the triple date with our new friend Ray would have been awkward. The bathrooms could use an upgrade: they were like any bar bathroom in Manhattan. There was an attendant one time I went in, but not the second time. I don’t think one is needed (ever – unless they have everything I need to shave my entire face).

PALM WEST
250 W. 50th St.
New York, NY 10019

Filet Mignon, Japanese, Long Island, Rib Eye, Steakhouse Reviews

Blackstone

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Blackstone overall score: 83

A few months back I received a gift card to use at a group of restaurants on long Island. Blackstone, Insignia, and Rare 650. Rare 650 was a bit too far from my home, and I had already been to Blackstone once before (pre-reviewing days), so we wanted to try Insigna. The menu there looked like it had a better selection anyway. At 4pm we called to try to make a reservation, but the other end of the line was so noisy with blasting music that my wife couldn’t hear anything on the phone. The woman hung up on her. My wife called back, and the woman said they didn’t have any openings until 9:30pm, the music was still blasting, and then she hung up on my wife. Very unprofessional. So we gave up on the idea of Club Insignia, with all night long house music on the 1s and 2s, and went back to Blackstone. A note about my first trip to Blackstone a few years back; I had a great meal, but two of us got VERY sick (pissing-out-of-our-asses-all-night-long kind of sick). After some careful research into who ate what, we could only surmise that the two items me and the other person had that might have made us sick was a pint of Guinness. Sometimes the tap can get a funk if it isn’t poured often. A few of us all had ribeyes and shared the same apps, so it couldn’t have been the food (or so we think).

Flavor: 8

My second trip here, which is what this review is based on, was a much better experience. I had the ribeye, as usual. It was cooked nicely, evenly, and it had a good crust locking in the juices. It was rested well too. It just lacked a little bit of seasoning punch, and there was some inedible fat in parts (on some ribeyes, you can eat every bite – even the fat). Overall a very good steak. Everything here had good flavor as a matter of fact. Nothing was a let down, but, then again, nothing was amazing (except maybe the broccolini). On a third trip (for lunch) I had a 14oz filet, and my wife had a mixed greens salad with string beans and mandarin oranges, with lobster tail on top of a crabmeat guacamole – that was friggin delicious (the guac). My filet was nice and crispy/charred on the outside, and perfectly medium rare on the inside. The edges did get a little dry, however, since it was such a thick cut of meat. I found that dipping into the steak sauce on occasion was a good way to keep the moisture level high.

STEAK

Choice of Cuts & Quality Available: 8

There’s a great selection here, and it is all top notch. They have all four of the basics (though they call the strip a sirloin, which makes me wonder) plus a great deal of stuff on special. When we went, there were two additional cuts on special; a 16oz boneless Oregon “wagyu,” and a 24oz bone-in sirloin. There’s a good selection of non-beef too.

Portion Size & Plating: 8

The sizes are good here. The ribeye was 28oz on the bone. Plating was basic and clean, nothing too fancy. Here is a pic of the salad we got on the third visit (mixed greens, string beans, tomato, mandarin orange – with crabmeat guacamole on the side, topped with lobster tail meat):

SALAD

Price: 7

Check out the bill below; our gift card knocked off $150, but we still dropped about $140 on top of that. This place is a bit pricey for Long Island. Though the quality is good, I found that other places on Long Island are a better bargain (better prices for as good, if not better, food). My steak was $52; too much for Long Island. Other high priced items were the shellfish plateau ($59), crab claws ($55/pound), and some of the special sushi rolls ($35-$45 for a roll – to Blackstone’s defense, many of those sushi rolls have “kobe” beef, lobster, and other pricey ingredients). On a third trip for lunch I had a $25 gift card that Blackstone gave out for free on the web. Great deal – it saved me the tip (see second receipt below – before the $25 was removed).

BILL

Bar: 9

The bar here is awesome. It’s big, spacious, well decorated, and boasts a great selection of booze and specialty cocktails. It’s definitely a place I could see people hanging at after work or before a full night out. They mix a nice martini to boot (though the olive was a bit too pickle tasting – standard jar olive).

Specials and Other Meats: 9

On special, Blackstone has at least one item for every section of their menu (and they have many sections). They offered a lobster sushi special, a few app specials (like crab claws by the pound, shellfish plateaus, and a mozzarella cheese app), two beef specials (ribeye and sirloin), a fish special (branzino), a pasta special, and a dessert special (chocolate & peanut butter Napoleon). I was impressed.

Apps, Sides & Desserts: 8

We started with the oysters, some sliced octopus and a sushi roll, and all were good. Clean, cold, and tasty. My wife ordered a shellfish plateau for her main meal, and it was great. It had a half a lobster, a half a snow crab, 5 clams, 4 oysters (2 east coast, 2 west coast), and shrimp. A bit pricey at $59, but it was good. On the side we had creamed spinach and broccolini. The creamed spinach was nicely done – not incredible but definitely not inedible. Standard. The broccolini, on the other hand, was amazing. Sauteed in oil and garlic, it had just the right amount of seasoning. I’d say that was probably the best part of the entire meal. For dessert, we tried the peanut butter and chocolate Napoleon. It was nice and light, surprisingly. It was served with a peanut powder of some kind that was really fluffy. It wasn’t just ground up peanuts. It must have been done via molecular gastronomy / food chemistry techniques or something. Delicious. I washed that down with a double shot of espresso, which was more like a quadruple shot; I couldn’t fall asleep later that night. One thing I recall from my first visit here was the “kobe” beef cooked on hot rocks – that was cool, and I remember it being really tasty, despite not being true kobe beef. On a third trip for lunch my wife and I split a trio of seafood (lump crab, half a lobster tail, and two huge shrimp ($26). For dessert we had a blondie banana creme pie that was absolutely the best thing on the menu.

Seafood Selection: 8

The seafood is great here. Aside from the incredible (though pricey) selection of sushi, they also have great traditional seafood fare that you often see on steakhouse menus. Crab claws by the pound was a nice departure from that as well. I was happily surprised to see that my plate of oysters for my app had different oysters from my wife’s plateau meal. Nice touch. Also, they had sushi specials that weren’t on the menu, and a branzino fish dish on special as well.

Service: 9

The service here was good. We had, basically, a team of two; a waiter and a waitress. They were attentive, friendly, and informative. The manager even did a swing-by to make sure we were okay. All the wait staff wore shirts and ties with jackets, and everyone else was nicely dressed and professional looking. The bread was a nice warm crisp sourdough, served with olive oil instead of butter. On the third trip the waiter forgot to bring us our broccolini side that we ordered. No harm done, since we were not charged for it. In addition the waiter misheard me when I said “no” to a second newcastle. So I imagine they had to dump that beer. Otherwsie the service was still great, as usual.

Ambiance: 9

Blackstone is no doubt Japanese themed. When you walk in, it has that sushi restaurant smell (market fresh, not Canal Street nasty). There is a sushi bar to the right, and the walls are all done with a nice natural ledge stone. There are a few nice looking fireplaces, high ceilings, and nice dark wood. To the left, there is the tremendous bar, and behind that, an outdoor lounge seating area next to a nice long modern fireplace, and more tables for outdoor dining (with retractable roof). The bathrooms were nice too. The men’s room had an attendant; stocked with mouth wash, gum, candy, and hand lotion in case your meal is so good that you need to jerk one out real quick in the stall.

BLACKSTONE
10 Pinelawn Rd.
Melville, NY 11747

Midtown West, Restaurant Week, Rib Eye, Steakhouse Reviews

Shula’s

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Shula’s overall score: 67

NOTE: SHULA’S IS NOW CLOSED!!!

My wife and I decided to give Shula’s a try for their restaurant week menu, and to also take advantage of the 15% off discount for reserving via Savored. As it turned out they wouldn’t let us do both, so we had to ditch the restaurant week option (which seemed lame to me anyway), and my wife had to change her order completely (I was ordering from the regular menu). Check out the review, d-bags.

Flavor: 7

I went with the cowboy ribeye, and my wife had a shellfish trio (see below). The ribeye was okay. It was cooked to the right done-ness, but it lacked a crisp outer coating, and was a little short on seasoning. Long story short, you can pull this place from your list of “go to” restaurants unless you are looking to cash in on a deal.

ribeye: waiter asked me to cut into it to check for proper cooking

Choice of Cuts & Quality Available: 9

There’s a lot of beef on the menu here, and it’s all “premium black angus,” according to the menu. Under the Shula cuts they have two sizes of filet, two strips (NY and Kansas City – or boneless and bone-in), two sized of porterhouse, and the ribeye. All the bases are covered well, but they also offer some beefy entrees too, like prime rib, Filet Oscar (with crab meat and hollandaise), and Steak Mary Anne (two small filets with peppercorn sauce). There’s a surf & turf too. I took a point because the preparation hindered the quality, in my opinion.

Portion Size & Plating: 8

The Shula steak cuts are solid: 8 and 12oz filets; 16 and 20oz strips; 24 and 48oz porterhouses; and a 22oz ribeye. For the price, these are above average sizes. Well played. However, the appetizer portions seemed to be on the small and overpriced side. On the other hand, the sides and desserts were properly portioned.

Price: 8

Check out the bill below; not too bad. All the steaks are under $50 (except the 48oz porterhouse), but the ribeye wasn’t top notch, so make your own assessment on value here. They offer sauces for the steaks at $2 a pop, but I wasn’t really interested in trying any… except maybe the red pepper chimichurri. The appetizers were a little pricey and on the small side, as I mentioned above. $17 for two scallops? Fuck that.

Bar: 5

The bar here was small and unimpressive – certainly not the kind of place to hang out in. The martini was good, but one of the olives had a half of a pit still in it. I almost busted a tooth.

Specials and Other Meats: 6

On special, Shula’s had nada, zip, zero. For non-beef meat, they only had two chicken preparations (one skinless, the other not), and a lamb porterhouse. Perhaps one or two other dishes would round this category out a little better. The restaurant week special, which we didn’t order from, is pictured below. Who the fuck wants a 5oz filet? Pussies and broads? This is a FOOTBALL restaurant for Christ’s sake. Get rid of the motherfucking 5oz scraps and keep it real.

restaurant week 2012 menu: $35

Apps, Sides & Desserts: 5

We started with the oysters. They were good, and came with a nice cocktail sauce, but there was no horseradish served with them; instead I got a large hair on my plate, and some of the oysters were still connected to the shell. We also had the blackened scallops. They were overpriced but cooked well. However they were accompanied by a mediocre-at-best mango salsa that reminded us of something we’d have at Applebees. Bastards. My wife had the shellfish trio app for her entree (half of a small lobster tail, two shrimp, and some lump crab meat). It was decent, but I thought a little skimpy for $29. The lobster tail was certainly not the Maine varietal based on its “extra jumbo shrimp” sizing. For sides we had creamed spinach, which tasted like frozen chopped spinach to me, with a touch of cream and some shaved Parmesan on top. Bland. We also tried the crab meat mac and cheese. This was better, but would have been great if the crab meat was mixed into the dish instead of just put on top, if they put more bread crumbs on top, and if they added salt or a bit more cheese to it. In other words, it too was somewhat of a disappointment. For dessert we had key lime pie. No complaints there; it was pretty good.

Seafood Selection: 7

A good amount of seafood graces the menu here. For apps they have lobster bisque, blackened scallops, shrimp cocktail, BBQ shrimp, seared tuna, lump crab meat, fried calamari, a shellfish trio, and oysters. A solid showing. On the entree menu they offer a fish of the day (prepared one of several ways), seared scallops, crab cakes, and lobster tails. Point off for not having a full lobster on the menu, and two points off for the lackluster performance on the shellfish trio app (pictured below).

Service: 6

The service here was odd. We made a reservation for 5:30. The restaurant was pretty much empty, yet we were seated way in the back on a very small table for two. We were also approached twice regarding what kind of water we wanted. The table cloth on my side of the table was either stained or dirty, as I mentioned my oyster plate had hair instead of horseradish, and there was just way too much shit on the ridiculously small table when we were seated. Here’s a list: Four empty wine glasses (two for water, two for wine), my wife’s wine glass from the bar, my martini glass, the Shula football (which has the signature steaks listed on one portion of the pigskin – see pic below – an interesting touch but not needed), salt & pepper shakers, two menus, two restaurant week menus (which my wife was not permitted to order from since we were using a 15% off coupon via Savored), a book of wines by the bottle, a candle, silverware, napkins, and the flatware. All of this remained with us until the waiter took our order, and even after that we had to move the two extra wine glasses to a nearby empty table ourselves. I was barely able to see my wife’s face for 15 minutes after being seated. Just a reminder: the table was SMALL – REALLY FUCKIN’ SMALL. I’m talking 7 sq. ft. at maximum: seats for two at McDonald’s are bigger than this shit. Other than that the bread was good: a pre-sliced loaf of warm, crispy, fresh sourdough.

Ambiance: 6

Shula’s is part of the Westin hotel in NYC. It’s located on the mezzanine floor of the building, overlooking NOTHING… There are no windows in the restaurant. It has dark wood walls, dim lights, and football images all over the place (Don Shula is a hall of fame coach, and former corner back), but it is elegantly decorated. The building sits just on top of the A,C,E subway lines at the 42nd street stop, so you can feel the room shake when one passes by underneath. The bathroom was completely out of the way… no… completely out of the restaurant. I had to go up a flight of stairs, out into the elevator bank, past the hotel bar, and into the lobby to use the bathroom. On the bright side, it was large, clean, and all marble.

SHULA’S
The Westin New York at Times Square
270 W. 43rd St.
New York, NY 10036

Filet Mignon, Flash Deals, Long Island, Rib Eye, Steakhouse Reviews

Pace’s (Hauppauge)

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Pace’s (Hauppauge) overall score: 79

Groupon had a great deal for Pace’s Hauppague location a month or two back: $30 for $60 worth of food and drink. After a good experience at the Port Jefferson location, I figured it was worth a shot. I’ve actually been here once in 1996, but I don’t remember anything about it, other than the fact that I ate a 36oz steak at the time.

Flavor: 7

I ordered the ribeye, which was a nicely sized (about 22oz) bone-in hunk of meat. It was cooked properly, allowed to rest nicely, etc… but it was just a little under seasoned. I needed to add salt and pepper. This places offers “blackened” and other sauced and marinated preparations of the steak, so I am thinking that the simple broiled version might not be their featured dish. The huge home made potato chips that come with your steak (two per plate) are really awesome though. I had a bite of the filet as well, but I wasn’t super impressed by it (6/10).

ribeye and chips

Choice of Cuts & Quality Available: 7

On the beef menu they had a few variations of “New York shell steak” (broiled, marinated and double cut), which they were pawning off as a legit strip steak, porterhouse (for one or two), two sizes of filet, and a bone-in ribeye. I believe the cuts were choice quality, but they did a good job of imparting additional flavor into the meat, and you can always go marinated or blackened if you need an extra boost.

Portion Size & Plating: 8

The steaks are good sizes here. The ribeye was 22-24oz, if I had to guess. The filets are 7-8oz for pussies, and 10-12oz for half pussies. If I recall correctly from way back, the porterhouse for one is about 36oz. I’m not sure about the shell steaks, but everything seemed well portioned. The two pound lobster was large and filling as well, and the sides were enough to feed two to four people.

Price: 9

Our total bill came to about $365 for four people (tax and tip and gift certificate deduction included). Check out the bill below for the details, but the steaks were definitely reasonable ($32-$47). I’m so used to NYC prices at prime joints that this looked like a bargain! Sure – you are not getting prime grade here, but it is pretty good for the money, and we ordered a LOT of shit (several drinks, apps, sides, etc).

Bar: 8

The bar here is pretty nice. As a matter of fact the martinis here were some of he best I’ve ever had. Ice cold, briney, and great blue cheese stuffed olives. The downside here is that it doesn’t seem to be a hot spot in terms of location, so it doesn’t strike me as the best place to just hang for a drink. There was also another problem we encountered: the poop cube. My buddy ordered a Jameson on the rocks, but one of the rocks had what looked like a black miniature poop embedded in the ice. Eww. Nasty looking (see below). I had to take some points for that, even though they did replace the slightly watered down drink.

the poop cube

Specials and Other Meats: 8

The waiter read us some specials as if they were not on the menu, but all the beef items he highlighted were not special at all – they were menu items. The only specials were those listed on the chalk board behind us (mostly fish cuts, and a lobster cocktail). They made up for the lack of beef specials with some alternative meat availability: rack of lamb, pork chops, roasted chicken, and duckling. One “special” item worth mentioning that was listed on the menu in a red box was the cherry pepper sauce. Ideally it is made for pork, but it sounded delicious. I was tempted to order it just to try with bread or even by itself, but at $5.50 it seemed too pricey. Last, take a look at the bottom of the bill in my picture. It shows some great weekly specials like half price wine, lobster bakes, and cheap drinks.

Apps, Sides & Desserts: 8

Okay – lots to talk about here. The lobster cocktail was a half of a 1.5lb lobster, chilled. My buddy got it and said it was good. I had smoked salmon, which was delicious and accompanied by capers, diced red onions, and a nice mustard mayo sauce for dipping (and slathering). The oysters were crisp cold and fresh, as were the littleneck clams. The creamed spinach was soft and creamy, not heavy, and very flavorful. The mashed potatoes were just okay. It was nice to see chicken liver pate on the app menu. In hindsight maybe we should have ordered that as a side instead of the mashed potatoes. For dessert we had a trio of sorbets (coconut, lemon and raspberry), which was good, and a slice of cheesecake, which was bad. It was too eggy – like a quiche or something.

Seafood Selection: 8

As I mentioned there were a few fish cuts on special here that filled the bill for the seafood availability. Otherwise it was the standard lobster, lobster tails, and shellfish apps. My wife had the stuffed broiled lobster. It was a lot to eat!

Service: 8

The service here was good. I had heard bad things from a friend about the service and the food, but our only really bad experiences here were the poop cube in the drink (which was replaced), and the bad cheesecake. We thought we had a clump of hair in the petite filet as well, but it turned out to be a bristle from the lobster fuzz that got flaked off onto the filet plate. My buddy ordered a Macallan 18 but they were out. He decided on an Ardbeg instead and was happy with it anyway. I took one point for the poop cube and lack of Macallan, and one point for the dry, cruddy raisin bread. On the other hand, we DID ask for seconds of the bread since part of it was a home made, warm, delicious soft pizza dough type of bread that went perfectly with the olive oil, Parmesan cheese and spice mixture that came with it. The butter was semi soft/semi cold, and the corn bread was just okay.

Ambiance: 8

The rug should be ripped out and replaced with hard wood, but otherwise this place is on the elegant side of steakhouse decor. The bathroom is nice and clean, with mouthwash and cups available to rinse out. I thought the mouthwash pump was soap at first and blasted my hands with mouthwash three times after pissing, wondering “why the fuck is this soap so thin and watery?”

PACE’S
325 Nesconset Hwy.
Hauppauge, NY 11788

Filet Mignon, Latin/Mexican & Caribbean, Other Cuts, Restaurant Reviews, Rib Eye, Steakhouse Reviews, Tribeca

Churrascaria Tribeca

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Churrascaria Tribeca 

UPDATE: THIS PLACE IS NOW CLOSED!!! However, the midtown west location is very similar to this location, so it can be read as a review of the midtown spot. I give the flavor 8/10, but despite this being a “steakhouse” I am not giving it the full review treatment.

One of the greatest things to do in the meat world is experience Brazilian Rodizio, otherwise known as “all you can eat steak.” For a true carnivore, this is about one of the best experiences one can ever have. Waiters come around with huge skewers loaded with slabs of meat, and they carve it right off onto your plate. Not only that, but there are upwards of 15 types of meat at most good places. You can sit there for hours eating, taking breaks, loading up again, etc. They give you a coaster that is red on one side and green on the other. Green means go. Green means meat. Green means eat. Flip it to red if you need a little break (because you are a pussy). Also – I apologize for not having any photos of the meal. I was just too hungry to whip out my camera, and all you would see, really, is just a pile of various meats on a plate (rather confusing). PLEASE NOTE: This place is not a real deal steakhouse like the others I have reviewed here. This is a special type of joint for the reasons mentioned above. Anyway – read on, dicks.

Flavor:

Everything here is amazing. After a waiter makes his rounds with the skewered meat and slices pieces away from the hunk, the newly exposed portions are re-seasoned and kissed with heat again. This is great because every bite you eat is perfectly mouth watering, juicy, well seasoned, and delicious. You almost never get an over-cooked or dry piece of meat, with the exception of maybe chicken breast. Honestly, I can write a 10,000 word review of how each meat tasted and how each was spiced and seasoned, but it would take forever for you to read, and all you would really come away with at the end was: “Okay. This place is fucking awesome.” My reviews are long enough already. My personal favorites were the flank steak, the garlic sirloin, and the prime rib (see below for all the options available).

Choice of Cuts & Quality Available:

There is almost TOO much variety here. I say almost because there really can never be too much to choose from, if it is all done well. Diners can choose from sausage, chicken (drumettes and breast), garlic sirloin, top sirloin, flank, Parmesan crusted pork loin, bacon wrapped turkey, prime rib, pork ribs, beef ribs, roasted lamb, bacon wrapped filet, duck legs, and whole roasted pig (with crispy skin and pineapple sauce). Fucking unbelievable. Now, understand that this is not a “sit-down and order a steak” restaurant setting. You sit down, and then you get delicious food delivered to you like a sultan. They don’t have the traditional four cuts of steak parading around on plates, but the choices and variety here are all perfectly executed. They may be using choice mixed with prime, but it makes no difference. Believe me. They treat their meet with great care.

Portion Size & Plating:

Here, you make your own portion sizes. You can have the man carve you 10 slices of prime rib if you want, or you can just take one slice and collect an array of different meat slices. It is up to you to get your money’s worth. Eat, then go down to the bathroom and make yourself puke so you have more room. That’s what the Roman’s did.

Price:

Our total bill came to $62 per person (tax and tip included!). That was for two Rodizio style dinners and two beers. Beers are only $6 here, but they are also only about 10 ounces each (smaller mugs, not pints). Dinner at regular price is about $60, but my friend and I took advantage of Savored’s deal for 30% off, so that was a great help to an already extremely fair-priced dinner.

Bar:

The bar here is great but not perfect. It is modern, sleek, well decorated, and it has a lounge feel. The restaurant is in a great tribeca location, so it gets hopping from time to time. I used to live in the area and I always remember it being crowded in the outdoor seating area and near the bar. They often have live music too, which is great. One of the great things about Churrascaria and Brazilian places in general is that you can order a caipirinha and people won’t look at you like a space alien. The caipirinha is Brazil’s national cocktail, and it is made with rum, sugar in the raw, and lime (though at Churrascaria places they usually offer a massive variety of tropical fruit flavors). It’s great. Try one.

Specials and Other Meats:

There are no specials… though you really don’t need specials when everything is so good, and you get so much to choose from without having to commit to any one dish. I think these places can be PERFECT is they just serve, say, one special item that varies each week. Maybe one week it is venison, and another week it is wild boar, or quail. As you can tell, aside from beef, this place has a massive variety of beef substitutes to choose from, so full points are awarded.

Apps, Sides & Desserts:

On the table there is a little piece of paper with about 15 different sides listed. These are all included in your purchase price. You can order as many as you want. We tried the fried bananas (delicious – almost like dessert). And yes they were BANANAS and not plantains. We also tried the black beans and the mashed potatoes. The beans were better than the mashed, and I, personally, could have skipped all the sides since you are eating so much meat to begin with. In fact, in all my times going to this place (this was my fourth trip) I don’t think I ever ordered a side before. People: it’s all about the meat. But if you want, get the fried bananas for dessert and ask for a scoop of vanilla ice cream on top. They do have a dessert menu too, but we were too full on meat to even look at it. Also important to mention here is the salad bar. Free with your dinner is as many visits to the salad bar as you want. This is more like a seafood bar, so see below for more info, but the salad bar can be a full meal in itself. Everything there is great, and in fact diners can choose “just the salad bar” as their meal for a cheaper cost.

Seafood Selection:

The salad bar houses all the seafood that this place offers. There is shrimp cocktail, sushi (both rolls and pieces), calamari salad, octopus salad, shrimp salad, mussel salad, crab salad, various forms of ceviche, bacon (YES!), fresh mozzarella and olives, hearts of palm, all sorts of baked fish casseroles, stewed fish in various sauces, and some leafery. The only things absent were oysters, clams and lobster (unless I missed them somehow). I took a couple of points for that (and the octo was a little tight), but realize that this is a Brazilian joint; the fish you expect to see should differ from what you expect at an American steakhouse. Everything I had was delicious, and you can easily focus ONLY on the salad bar and ignore all the meat yet still have a great meal here. The salad bar is almost just as impressive as the meat.

Service:

The service here is really awesome. You truly feel like a king when the food just keeps coming around non-stop, and the meat is carved directly onto your plate. The waiters are all friendly, well dressed, and they carve the meat very professionally, with machete-like blades that measure about two feet long. They come take your plate away when it gets loaded with scraps, and bring you a fresh one for the next set of meat. There’s not much else you can ask for.

Ambiance:

The decor here is very tribeca. High ceilings, exposed duct work, chic, clean, neat, and industrial. It is elegant however, and very spacious (hence “very tribeca”). I was a little hot at first, but I chalk that up to the meat sweats. The bathroom has a nice clean rustic-looking tile job, and the live entertainment beside the bar was classy jazz (piano, light percussion and vox).

Midtown West, Rib Eye, Steakhouse Reviews

Bobby Van’s (50th St.)

1 Comment

Bobby Van’s Overall Score: 78

Tonight Johnny Prime gave the old “in-out, in-out” to Bobby Vans’ west 50th St. location. Not a bad meal overall, but not stellar by any means. I think I enjoyed the Bridgehampton location better, even though those douche bags didn’t offer a ribeye when I went. Check out the breakdown, assholes:

Flavor: 7

As usual, I had the ribeye (because I have a dick and balls between my legs, not a vadge). It was nice looking, bone-in, probably around 22oz., but it was a little overcooked from the medium that I ordered it. Also, it bled out a slight bit underneath the meat. It wasn’t too hot or anything, but I think it wasn’t dry or crusted enough on the outside to lock in all the liquids. I was going to give it an 8 here, but with so much stiff competition in the area, I had to go with a 7. I’d eat here again, don’t get me wrong, but perhaps if I was shopping for a spot in this particular area, I’d just wander a few feet over to Tad’s (just kidding… I mean Del Frisco’s). By the way the steak sauce that came in the little tub alongside the steak here was pretty good too – a little boozy actually. I like that.

…or did I really mean Tad’s???

Choice of Cuts & Quality Available: 8

They have the basics here: two sizes of filet, “sirloin,” porterhouse for sharing, and ribeyes. They also offer a gorgonzola steak, but I am not sure what sort of cut it is. On special they had an additional beef item – a cowboy steak with shitake mushrooms. The cuts cover all the essential bases and the quality was good (just not exceptional).

Portion Size & Plating: 8

As mentioned above, I think my ribeye was about 22oz. This is on the good and generous side in terms of size. They did some fancy plating with my scallop appetizer, though there were only two pieces per order.

Price: 6

Everything seemed a little overpriced here. At $50 a pop, the steaks aren’t that great of a deal when you figure in the quality level. Sure, I’ve had better for the same price, but I also realize that not every place is going to have the best steak in town, and chefs have their good days and bad days. As you see below, everything is expensive. In particular, $22 for two bacon wrapped scallops sitting on a bed of sliced mushrooms and cabbage, to me, is ridiculous… and I’ve eaten at some of the most explensive places in NYC, and at over 40 steakhouses in the area. OH – I almost forgot to mention the $18 martini (see the bar section below for the breakdown).

Bar: 8

My martini was made perfectly dirty; just the right amount of olive juice in there. But at $16.88 after tax ($15.50 on the bill), it came to $18 with the tip. This is by far one of the most expensive standard issue drinks I have ever had (obviously this doesn’t include a nice scotch at dessert, or a glass of expensive port wine). There are free fried bits of chicken at the bar, but does that make up for the cost of booze? They were great, crispy, and juicy (the ones I had anyway – my wife said her piece was dry). There is a big marble-topped bar, and it’s long (like Lex Steele). There was also a good crowd festering around for a hot summertime Friday; I guess everyone wanted to cool off with expensive drinks before getting on the expensive train to head out to the expensive beach towns for an expensive weekend.

Specials & Other Meats: 9

They offered a bunch of specials when we sat down: three different soups, two fish items, a shellfish app, and a beef item. We tried two of them (see below for the verdict). They also had a pasta item on special. You will notice a huge pasta, regular type entrée, and pizza selection on the menu here. WHY? What are they trying to be a fucking diner? Anyway… Aside from beef they have lamb and veal on the chops section of the menu as well, and chicken and pork chops in the entrée section. You can go ahead and order those if you are an asshole. I would drop a 10 here if I was completely satisfied with the special items we had, but there was just a bit lacking there, so I took a point.

Apps, Sides & Desserts: 7

We tried the cold cucumber and melon soup and the bacon wrapped scallops to start. The soup was cool and refreshing, and it was poured over a cream of some sort that you picked up with each spoonful. It was nice. The scallop dish was a little on the pricey side. In addition, it was a little heavy on the rosemary flavor, though it did have a good char on the outside. The bacon was nice and crispy, but at the cost of a slightly overcooked scallop underneath. Lots of times this happens when you (stupidly) wrap shit with bacon. Bacon is fine on its own. There is absolutely no need to go wrapping it around shit, especially if that shit can be overcooked and ruined. But listen up assbags; when you try cook both at the same time you lose. In order to properly cook the bacon without ruining the scallop, you need to halfway cook the bacon, catch some of the fat, then wrap the bacon around the scallop (while still rubbery and flexible) and baste the fat over the scallop as it finishes to impart the bacony smoke flavor into the scallop. In any case it was also a little too hot when served; I had to be careful not to burn myself. The plating was nice though, but instead of a bed of mushrooms and cabbage, I would have rather had another scallop or more bacon. On the side we had some creamed spinach. It was light but not lacking flavor. No complaints, but no accolades either; it was exceptionally average. Also at $12 for a dish it was pricey (though certainly enough for two to share). We passed on dessert this time.

Seafood Selection: 8

This would have been a 10, but they had NO OYSTERS and NO CLAMS. Other than that they did have lots to choose from. The specials were halibut and swordfish, and they were in addition to the standard menu items like lobster, seabass, tuna, crab cakes, and salmon. My wife had the lobster. It was a bit overcooked and chewy in parts, but it did have lots of the brains, guts and roe, which she likes. It was also chock full of meat, and the waiter pried most of it out of the shell for us tableside. OH – and the lobster came with a bowl of fresh corn as well. I can’t wait to see it polka-dotting my shit later.

Service: 9

Service wasn’t bad here, but our waiter kinda disappeared halfway through the meal. As a result, we didn’t get the birthday dessert thingy that they were going to bring over to us (probably a slice of cake or something). The host asked us if they did as we were walking out. Oh well; not such a big deal considering we were stuffed. Otherwise service was okay aside from the absentee waiter. He nicely de-shelled the lobster tableside, which is always fun to watch. If you are wondering, I tend to celebrate my birthday for a month or two in either direction of the actual date, because I am that awesome.

Ambiance: 8

It’s nice inside, but it doesn’t seem genuine, if that makes sense. Gallagher’s felt genuine, Lugers, etc. Sure: Bobby Van’s isn’t old style like them, but I even get a genuine sense out of the more modern joints like Del Frisco’s, Quality Meats, or Primehouse. I suppose it has something to do with being in a tourist and corporate zone (and serving up too much pizza and pasta), because the Bridgehampton location felt WAY more “real steakhouse” as opposed to “restaurant.” Anyway, it rocks some nice dark hardwoods, high ceilings, a big beautiful bar… but slightly small tables, and a somewhat cramped dining space (despite having huge, empty private dining rooms right there in plain view). An interesting thing I noticed was that the waiters all had similar style jackets to the one’s worn by the guys at Ben Benson’s; almost like a fancy, outdoor sport jacket, tan in color.

BOBBY VAN’S
135 W. 50th St.
New York, NY 10020