Tag Archives: burgerporn

Ted’s Montana Grill

I’ve been eyeballing this place for a while since I work nearby. I’ve been here before for some happy hour staples like $5 nachos (big), $5 sliders (4 of them), and $4 beers (Yeungling). Today I was determined to try the burger out.

I started with an order of salt and pepper onion rings.

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These things were excellent – perfectly crispy, no grease, and a really nice horseradish dipping sauce that I ended up using for my fries as well.

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Speaking of which, the fries were nice and golden brown, natural skin-on slices, crispy, and well seasoned.

As for the burger, it was a good size. A little sunder-seasoned, and it had an odd flavor profile to it. At first I thought it was maybe aged, or perhaps they gave me bison instead of beef. But it wasn’t a gamey flavor. Not sure how to describe it other than different. not necessarily BAD; just unexpected, perhaps?

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Anyway – it was nice and patriotic with the flag toothpick. It came with bacon, cheddar, grilled onions, lettuce, tomato, pickles and raw onion. Check the cut:

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The pic makes it look a little overdone, but it was a proper medium.

Another thing I like about tho splice is the dish of pickles they give at the bar. Half sours, bright green, thick slices, very delicious. I put these on my burger instead of the bread and butters that came on my plate.

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For dessert we did some ice cream and cookies. One cookie was chocolate chip, the other was chocolate chocolate chip. Nice and simple, but good.

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Lastly, here’s a shot of my friend’s vagina meal – grilled chicken with guac on a whole wheat bun. Looks good; just like a wet snatch.

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Anyhow – keep an eye out for a proper steakhouse review of this place, as I plan to come back soon and try their 14oz rib eye, along with a salad and dessert for just $29 (ask for the theater menu). Great fucking deal, if you ask me!

UPDATE – full-on steakhouse review below:

Ted’s Montana Grill overall score: 73

My wife and I came in for the “theater menu” deal: $29 (now $35) for three courses. Not a bad price. Check the verdict below.

Flavor: 6
My first bite of the beef rib eye was a nine, but it went downhill from there. The steak was nicely cooked and all, but the meat was a bit tough, a bit over-salted and wet. When I say wet, I mean there were small puddles of grease on the top of the steak. Also when I say tough, I mean the grain of the meat was tight and a little difficult to chew. While it did have a decent flavor, I had to drop the score because of these things. There was also a good deal of gristle on the cut, and a shitload of bleed-out once I got down on it. If it weren’t for that and the gristle I might have scored this a seven.

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Choice of Cuts & Quality Available: 7
Here, they do not offer a porterhouse, and no cuts large enough for two. there is a filet, a NY strip, a rib eye, and a “steak frites” strip, which they say is a center cut strip. There is only one size of each offering, though to their credit they do offer each as a choice of either beef or bison. If it weren’t for that diversity of choice, I might have dropped this to a five or six. Speaking of choice, I think that’s what they’re rocking here in terms of quality.

Portion Size & Plating: 8
For the price, the portions are pretty good. If I had to guess I’d say my steak was 12-14oz. The soup was a good size, as was the salad and other items for the theater menu pricing. Very fair considering this joint is nestled in the heart of skyrocket rent central.

Price: 8
If you’re not a food snob or a steak expert, this place is perfect for casual dining. The prices are super fair. For six courses and two espressos the bill came to $86 with tax and tip included.

Bar: 9
The bar here is a blast. They have a great happy hour menu with good drink specials and snack food. You can’t people-watch so well into the street, but it is definitely a lively and fun place to go after work. I’d certainly come here for the happy hour often. In fact I’ve done so twice before; good nachos and sliders, excellent onion rings, great free pickle slices, and cheap draft beer. If you never come here for steak, that’d be fine, as long as you stop in once for the happy hour. Grab a pint and some sliders or nachos and you will be satisfied. In fact, that is my firm recommendation to anyone thinking of coming here: stick to the bar.

Specials and Other Meats: 7
There’s really just chicken and ribs, aside from the bison and beef. And there are no specials, as the menu is pretty much more like an elevated and refined Outback or Fridays type of deal.

Apps, Sides & Desserts: 6
My salad was really basic: romaine, croutons and dressing. Not much else to say about it.

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The New England clam chowder was nice and thick, and quite flavorful. Almost kind of like a sauce… which got me thinking… New England Clam Chowder Spaghetti… Look out for a recipe one of these days…

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Desserts were pretty basic, and in retrospect I think the “adult shakes” are probably the most appealing thing in the dessert department.

I had a fudge brownie sundae (one of two options on the theater menu). The brownie was a little hard but the ice cream was good (because it is made by Haagen Dazs).

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My wife had the cheesecake. Pretty good actually, except for the berry sauce on it that had a sort of processed, “from a squeeze bottle” kind of flavor to it.

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Seafood Selection: 6
There’s a cedar plank salmon on the theater menu, which looked nice, but my wife went with the crab cakes. These were actually really nice. A little crisp texture on the outside, good quality lump crab meat, and the addition of guacamole made for a really refreshing bite. They also offer trout and a catch of the day, but no shellfish, raw items or anything like that.

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Service: 8
Service was fine. It did feel a little rushed, like our guy wanted to take our plates early with each course. Also the hot sauce was snatched from our table without asking if we were still using it. Bummer, because I was using it with my fries.

Ambiance: 8
I actually like the feel of this place. It’s warm and inviting, there is always a decent crowd of people having a good time, and the walls have bison heads on them. Love it.

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TED’S MONTANA GRILL
110 W. 51st St.
New York, NY 10020

TJ’s Hero Shop

This little place makes some really great sang-witches. One day my wife and I went over there and picked up five different selections and brought them over to my parents so we could all try.

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We tried the Louisiana Lightning (grilled cajun chicken with lettuce, tomato, onion and spicy stealth sauce), the Reuben (my favorite of them all), the Stealth (roast pork with lettuce tomato onion and stealth sauce), the Philly Cheesesteak, and the Big Steer (essentially a cheeseburger sandwich). All were excellent, but the Reuben really stole the show, with the Big Steer and Louisiana Lightning coming in close behind. Perhaps the Super Steak would have been the better choice than the regular Philly, as it comes on toasted garlic bread!

Louisiana Lightning:

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Philly Cheesesteak:

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Reuben:

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Big Steer:

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Stealth:

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TJ’S HERO SHOP
524 Mastic Rd.
Mastic Beach, NY 11951

Thalia’s Dollar Oyster Special

NOTE: THIS JOINT IS NOW CLOSED!

Thalia over on 8th Avenue has an amazing oyster deal. EVERY DAY from 7:00pm through 1:00am they have dollar oysters, and they are GOOD. The times I have gone, they were all nice quality, clean Bluepoints. What a steal! And with a great drink menu, this place is the perfect spot for grabbing a quick bite and buzz.

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On a second trip for oysters, we had a full meal here. I had the burger. It was essentially my LGBT sandwich with a burger patty in the mix. While it was really nicely cooked, it needed just a bit more seasoning, as did the fries.

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The fries had a great texture and flavor – just lacked a little salt.

My wife had pasta made from zucchini, which was nice and light, and topped with beans, mushrooms, and cheese.

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For dessert we shared a velvet chocolate mousse. It had some cake on the bottom which I didn’t like as much as the mousse portion, but it was nice.

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Check out this great drink I had too – really refreshing and tasty:

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On another trip I had the spaghetti. Really simple but well executed. I found the sauce to be a bit too sweet, so I slapped some globs of the kalamata olive spread into it (the spread comes with the table breads). That made it perfect.

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*DOLLAR OYSTERS NO LONGER AVAILABLE*

THALIA
828 8th Ave.
New York, NY 10019

Iron Bar’s Pig Wings

“Pig Wings” are making a big showing now on bar and restaurant menus. WTF are they, you ask? They are small portions of bone-in pork that have been trimmed down to look like little drumsticks of sorts, with a hunk of meat surrounding the bone. I figured I would mention these fuckers since they are pretty good at Iron Bar over on 8th Avenue and 45th Street. They were crisp and juicy, with a really great dipping sauce to boot. I’m hoping to see more of them at other spots in the future.

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I came back to this joint when I picked up an Amazon Local deal for $20 that scored me $40 worth of food and drink. Pretty sweet deal. I tried their Iron Burger, which had gorgonzola, grilled onions, and crispy prosciutto. Fucking sweet. Cooked perfectly, lots of funky flavor from the cheese, and good juiciness without going overboard. The fries were excellent too – nice battered style, really crispy, nice and soft inside.

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My buddy picked up the Juicy Lucy burger, which is a patty stuffed with cheddar cheese. He gave it the thumbs up and said it was a great burger. Looks beautiful, right?

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IRON BAR
713 8th Ave.
New York, NY 10036

E’s Bar

I’ve been coming here for the great trivia games on Tuesday nights, with first place prize being a $75 bar tab, second place at $50 and third place at $35. We won the $75 tab three weeks in a row, so I’ve been able to sample a bunch of the food here. Best thing so far: the burger and fries. So fucking good. Really nicely seasoned, great flavors, good toppings. Do yourself a favor and get in here to try it out.

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I also tried the tomato watermelon gazpacho, which was really nice and fresh, as well as the falafel burger with red pepper fries. Pretty good, but the regular burger wins by a long shot.

E’S BAR
511 Amsterdam Ave.
New York, NY 10024

Nicky’s on the Bay

Nicky’s is a great spot for summertime food on Long Island. They do a good job with seafood, but I just had to try the burger here at long last. Blue cheese and sautéed onions. OH YEAH! Throw in some oysters and tropical drinks for good measure and you’re all set.

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NICKY’S ON THE BAY
150 Clinton Ave.
Bay Shore, NY 11706

Rothman’s

On their last day in business, I came in with a Groupon for a burger lunch. Having never been here before, I figured I would try the burger for lunch, and if satisfied, I would go back for dinner to have a steak before they officially closed shop. I had alway sheared good things about the steak. On the flip side, I had been warned that they tend to overcook the burgers, but I did not heed the alarms. Mine was overcooked too. Well, maybe not grossly overcooked, but the meat was very dense and dry, even with the egg on top! Fries were decent, but not on par with other places I’ve been to. Needless to say, I did not end up going back for a steak. Burger was pricey even with the Groupon deal, and the food was not that great.

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Island Burger

I found this place as I was strolling around the new neighborhood. Since finding it, I’ve been here twice. The first time was for happy hour, where my wife and I had some great sliders, some roasted corn, and beer.

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As you can see, we tried a nice variety of sliders. if I recall, habanero cheddar was my favorite. I was impressed enough to go back a second time with my cousin, this time for a proper burger. I had the “Miss Hula Burger,” with ham, swiss, honey mustard and pineapple.

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While it was delicious, I realize that there is a revolting string of fat hanging down the front of the burger. I wanted to show this in all it’s glory, warts and all. And I apologize if you just threw up a little bit in your mouth. But you can trust me that the food here is good.

UPDATE 7/13/17

I came back in for lunch on a weekday and discovered a really great special that they run during those hours: $10 for a burger and a beer! Excellent.

ISLAND BURGER
766 9th Ave
New York, NY 10019

Five Guys Burger & Fries

After gaining fame upon hearing that the president likes to sneak away and break his diet here, this joint came on my radar as a must try. There’s a little spot just a couple of streets away from me, so I got to sink my teeth into some grub here one night on a “bang bang” steakhouse, burger joint night.

I went with the large double cheeseburger. It was nice. Juicy, lots of gooey cheese, seasoned nicely.

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The fries were tremendous in size. I ordered the smallest size and they put them in a paper lunch bag that was almost 3/4 full with the fucks. Pretty good too. A little greasy, but all were crispy even after carrying them home in the bag.

This is a pretty solid place, and I’ll definitely be going back.

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A second visit was excellent. Cheeseburger (2 patties) with fresh jalapeños, onion, lettuce, tomato, pickles and mayo.

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Nice to know where your food comes from I guess…

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FREE PEANUTS!

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FIVE GUYS
43 W 55th St
New York, NY 10019

5 Napkin Burger

I came here to the Union Square location for the first time with a few buddies before watching one of the US World Cup games.

I had a breakfast burger of some sort, which came with ham and egg on top of that bitch. It was really good, perfectly cooked too, as you can tell from the cut shot.

This was exactly what we needed before stuffing our bellies full of beer before the game, and hours of screaming and yelling for our team.

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On a second visit I had the classic cheeseburger. The breakfast burger was better, in my opinion, and the bun is still in need of improvements. Switch to potato!

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My wife had an asiago turkey burger, which was good but a little rubbery. I guess that shit happens when you eat turkey.

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We did try some wings and an app that was essentially a fried pickle and pastrami fritter. Pretty good showing.

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The down side is that they wouldn’t honor the wings or happy hour specials at the tables, despite the bar being filled.

Last item was the smokes shake, which was very nice. The roasted marshmallow on top really brought those flavors home.

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5 NAPKIN BURGER
150 E 14th St
New York, NY 10003