Groupon had a great deal for Pace’s Hauppague location a month or two back: $30 for $60 worth of food and drink. After a good experience at the Port Jefferson location, I figured it was worth a shot. I’ve actually been here once in 1996, but I don’t remember anything about it, other than the fact that I ate a 36oz steak at the time.
Flavor: 7
I ordered the ribeye, which was a nicely sized (about 22oz) bone-in hunk of meat. It was cooked properly, allowed to rest nicely, etc… but it was just a little under seasoned. I needed to add salt and pepper. This places offers “blackened” and other sauced and marinated preparations of the steak, so I am thinking that the simple broiled version might not be their featured dish. The huge home made potato chips that come with your steak (two per plate) are really awesome though. I had a bite of the filet as well, but I wasn’t super impressed by it (6/10).
ribeye and chips
Choice of Cuts & Quality Available: 7
On the beef menu they had a few variations of “New York shell steak” (broiled, marinated and double cut), which they were pawning off as a legit strip steak, porterhouse (for one or two), two sizes of filet, and a bone-in ribeye. I believe the cuts were choice quality, but they did a good job of imparting additional flavor into the meat, and you can always go marinated or blackened if you need an extra boost.
Portion Size & Plating: 8
The steaks are good sizes here. The ribeye was 22-24oz, if I had to guess. The filets are 7-8oz for pussies, and 10-12oz for half pussies. If I recall correctly from way back, the porterhouse for one is about 36oz. I’m not sure about the shell steaks, but everything seemed well portioned. The two pound lobster was large and filling as well, and the sides were enough to feed two to four people.
Price: 9
Our total bill came to about $365 for four people (tax and tip and gift certificate deduction included). Check out the bill below for the details, but the steaks were definitely reasonable ($32-$47). I’m so used to NYC prices at prime joints that this looked like a bargain! Sure – you are not getting prime grade here, but it is pretty good for the money, and we ordered a LOT of shit (several drinks, apps, sides, etc).
Bar: 8
The bar here is pretty nice. As a matter of fact the martinis here were some of he best I’ve ever had. Ice cold, briney, and great blue cheese stuffed olives. The downside here is that it doesn’t seem to be a hot spot in terms of location, so it doesn’t strike me as the best place to just hang for a drink. There was also another problem we encountered: the poop cube. My buddy ordered a Jameson on the rocks, but one of the rocks had what looked like a black miniature poop embedded in the ice. Eww. Nasty looking (see below). I had to take some points for that, even though they did replace the slightly watered down drink.
the poop cube
Specials and Other Meats: 8
The waiter read us some specials as if they were not on the menu, but all the beef items he highlighted were not special at all – they were menu items. The only specials were those listed on the chalk board behind us (mostly fish cuts, and a lobster cocktail). They made up for the lack of beef specials with some alternative meat availability: rack of lamb, pork chops, roasted chicken, and duckling. One “special” item worth mentioning that was listed on the menu in a red box was the cherry pepper sauce. Ideally it is made for pork, but it sounded delicious. I was tempted to order it just to try with bread or even by itself, but at $5.50 it seemed too pricey. Last, take a look at the bottom of the bill in my picture. It shows some great weekly specials like half price wine, lobster bakes, and cheap drinks.
Apps, Sides & Desserts: 8
Okay – lots to talk about here. The lobster cocktail was a half of a 1.5lb lobster, chilled. My buddy got it and said it was good. I had smoked salmon, which was delicious and accompanied by capers, diced red onions, and a nice mustard mayo sauce for dipping (and slathering). The oysters were crisp cold and fresh, as were the littleneck clams. The creamed spinach was soft and creamy, not heavy, and very flavorful. The mashed potatoes were just okay. It was nice to see chicken liver pate on the app menu. In hindsight maybe we should have ordered that as a side instead of the mashed potatoes. For dessert we had a trio of sorbets (coconut, lemon and raspberry), which was good, and a slice of cheesecake, which was bad. It was too eggy – like a quiche or something.
Seafood Selection: 8
As I mentioned there were a few fish cuts on special here that filled the bill for the seafood availability. Otherwise it was the standard lobster, lobster tails, and shellfish apps. My wife had the stuffed broiled lobster. It was a lot to eat!
Service: 8
The service here was good. I had heard bad things from a friend about the service and the food, but our only really bad experiences here were the poop cube in the drink (which was replaced), and the bad cheesecake. We thought we had a clump of hair in the petite filet as well, but it turned out to be a bristle from the lobster fuzz that got flaked off onto the filet plate. My buddy ordered a Macallan 18 but they were out. He decided on an Ardbeg instead and was happy with it anyway. I took one point for the poop cube and lack of Macallan, and one point for the dry, cruddy raisin bread. On the other hand, we DID ask for seconds of the bread since part of it was a home made, warm, delicious soft pizza dough type of bread that went perfectly with the olive oil, Parmesan cheese and spice mixture that came with it. The butter was semi soft/semi cold, and the corn bread was just okay.
Ambiance: 8
The rug should be ripped out and replaced with hard wood, but otherwise this place is on the elegant side of steakhouse decor. The bathroom is nice and clean, with mouthwash and cups available to rinse out. I thought the mouthwash pump was soap at first and blasted my hands with mouthwash three times after pissing, wondering “why the fuck is this soap so thin and watery?”
UPDATE: THIS PLACE IS NOW CLOSED!!! However, the midtown west location is very similar to this location, so it can be read as a review of the midtown spot. I give the flavor 8/10, but despite this being a “steakhouse” I am not giving it the full review treatment.
One of the greatest things to do in the meat world is experience Brazilian Rodizio, otherwise known as “all you can eat steak.” For a true carnivore, this is about one of the best experiences one can ever have. Waiters come around with huge skewers loaded with slabs of meat, and they carve it right off onto your plate. Not only that, but there are upwards of 15 types of meat at most good places. You can sit there for hours eating, taking breaks, loading up again, etc. They give you a coaster that is red on one side and green on the other. Green means go. Green means meat. Green means eat. Flip it to red if you need a little break (because you are a pussy). Also – I apologize for not having any photos of the meal. I was just too hungry to whip out my camera, and all you would see, really, is just a pile of various meats on a plate (rather confusing). PLEASE NOTE: This place is not a real deal steakhouse like the others I have reviewed here. This is a special type of joint for the reasons mentioned above. Anyway – read on, dicks.
Flavor:
Everything here is amazing. After a waiter makes his rounds with the skewered meat and slices pieces away from the hunk, the newly exposed portions are re-seasoned and kissed with heat again. This is great because every bite you eat is perfectly mouth watering, juicy, well seasoned, and delicious. You almost never get an over-cooked or dry piece of meat, with the exception of maybe chicken breast. Honestly, I can write a 10,000 word review of how each meat tasted and how each was spiced and seasoned, but it would take forever for you to read, and all you would really come away with at the end was: “Okay. This place is fucking awesome.” My reviews are long enough already. My personal favorites were the flank steak, the garlic sirloin, and the prime rib (see below for all the options available).
Choice of Cuts & Quality Available:
There is almost TOO much variety here. I say almost because there really can never be too much to choose from, if it is all done well. Diners can choose from sausage, chicken (drumettes and breast), garlic sirloin, top sirloin, flank, Parmesan crusted pork loin, bacon wrapped turkey, prime rib, pork ribs, beef ribs, roasted lamb, bacon wrapped filet, duck legs, and whole roasted pig (with crispy skin and pineapple sauce). Fucking unbelievable. Now, understand that this is not a “sit-down and order a steak” restaurant setting. You sit down, and then you get delicious food delivered to you like a sultan. They don’t have the traditional four cuts of steak parading around on plates, but the choices and variety here are all perfectly executed. They may be using choice mixed with prime, but it makes no difference. Believe me. They treat their meet with great care.
Portion Size & Plating:
Here, you make your own portion sizes. You can have the man carve you 10 slices of prime rib if you want, or you can just take one slice and collect an array of different meat slices. It is up to you to get your money’s worth. Eat, then go down to the bathroom and make yourself puke so you have more room. That’s what the Roman’s did.
Price:
Our total bill came to $62 per person (tax and tip included!). That was for two Rodizio style dinners and two beers. Beers are only $6 here, but they are also only about 10 ounces each (smaller mugs, not pints). Dinner at regular price is about $60, but my friend and I took advantage of Savored’s deal for 30% off, so that was a great help to an already extremely fair-priced dinner.
Bar:
The bar here is great but not perfect. It is modern, sleek, well decorated, and it has a lounge feel. The restaurant is in a great tribeca location, so it gets hopping from time to time. I used to live in the area and I always remember it being crowded in the outdoor seating area and near the bar. They often have live music too, which is great. One of the great things about Churrascaria and Brazilian places in general is that you can order a caipirinha and people won’t look at you like a space alien. The caipirinha is Brazil’s national cocktail, and it is made with rum, sugar in the raw, and lime (though at Churrascaria places they usually offer a massive variety of tropical fruit flavors). It’s great. Try one.
Specials and Other Meats:
There are no specials… though you really don’t need specials when everything is so good, and you get so much to choose from without having to commit to any one dish. I think these places can be PERFECT is they just serve, say, one special item that varies each week. Maybe one week it is venison, and another week it is wild boar, or quail. As you can tell, aside from beef, this place has a massive variety of beef substitutes to choose from, so full points are awarded.
Apps, Sides & Desserts:
On the table there is a little piece of paper with about 15 different sides listed. These are all included in your purchase price. You can order as many as you want. We tried the fried bananas (delicious – almost like dessert). And yes they were BANANAS and not plantains. We also tried the black beans and the mashed potatoes. The beans were better than the mashed, and I, personally, could have skipped all the sides since you are eating so much meat to begin with. In fact, in all my times going to this place (this was my fourth trip) I don’t think I ever ordered a side before. People: it’s all about the meat. But if you want, get the fried bananas for dessert and ask for a scoop of vanilla ice cream on top. They do have a dessert menu too, but we were too full on meat to even look at it. Also important to mention here is the salad bar. Free with your dinner is as many visits to the salad bar as you want. This is more like a seafood bar, so see below for more info, but the salad bar can be a full meal in itself. Everything there is great, and in fact diners can choose “just the salad bar” as their meal for a cheaper cost.
Seafood Selection:
The salad bar houses all the seafood that this place offers. There is shrimp cocktail, sushi (both rolls and pieces), calamari salad, octopus salad, shrimp salad, mussel salad, crab salad, various forms of ceviche, bacon (YES!), fresh mozzarella and olives, hearts of palm, all sorts of baked fish casseroles, stewed fish in various sauces, and some leafery. The only things absent were oysters, clams and lobster (unless I missed them somehow). I took a couple of points for that (and the octo was a little tight), but realize that this is a Brazilian joint; the fish you expect to see should differ from what you expect at an American steakhouse. Everything I had was delicious, and you can easily focus ONLY on the salad bar and ignore all the meat yet still have a great meal here. The salad bar is almost just as impressive as the meat.
Service:
The service here is really awesome. You truly feel like a king when the food just keeps coming around non-stop, and the meat is carved directly onto your plate. The waiters are all friendly, well dressed, and they carve the meat very professionally, with machete-like blades that measure about two feet long. They come take your plate away when it gets loaded with scraps, and bring you a fresh one for the next set of meat. There’s not much else you can ask for.
Ambiance:
The decor here is very tribeca. High ceilings, exposed duct work, chic, clean, neat, and industrial. It is elegant however, and very spacious (hence “very tribeca”). I was a little hot at first, but I chalk that up to the meat sweats. The bathroom has a nice clean rustic-looking tile job, and the live entertainment beside the bar was classy jazz (piano, light percussion and vox).
Tonight Johnny Prime gave the old “in-out, in-out” to Bobby Vans’ west 50th St. location. Not a bad meal overall, but not stellar by any means. I think I enjoyed the Bridgehampton location better, even though those douche bags didn’t offer a ribeye when I went. Check out the breakdown, assholes:
Flavor: 7
As usual, I had the ribeye (because I have a dick and balls between my legs, not a vadge). It was nice looking, bone-in, probably around 22oz., but it was a little overcooked from the medium that I ordered it. Also, it bled out a slight bit underneath the meat. It wasn’t too hot or anything, but I think it wasn’t dry or crusted enough on the outside to lock in all the liquids. I was going to give it an 8 here, but with so much stiff competition in the area, I had to go with a 7. I’d eat here again, don’t get me wrong, but perhaps if I was shopping for a spot in this particular area, I’d just wander a few feet over to Tad’s (just kidding… I mean Del Frisco’s). By the way the steak sauce that came in the little tub alongside the steak here was pretty good too – a little boozy actually. I like that.
…or did I really mean Tad’s???
Choice of Cuts & Quality Available: 8
They have the basics here: two sizes of filet, “sirloin,” porterhouse for sharing, and ribeyes. They also offer a gorgonzola steak, but I am not sure what sort of cut it is. On special they had an additional beef item – a cowboy steak with shitake mushrooms. The cuts cover all the essential bases and the quality was good (just not exceptional).
Portion Size & Plating: 8
As mentioned above, I think my ribeye was about 22oz. This is on the good and generous side in terms of size. They did some fancy plating with my scallop appetizer, though there were only two pieces per order.
Price: 6
Everything seemed a little overpriced here. At $50 a pop, the steaks aren’t that great of a deal when you figure in the quality level. Sure, I’ve had better for the same price, but I also realize that not every place is going to have the best steak in town, and chefs have their good days and bad days. As you see below, everything is expensive. In particular, $22 for two bacon wrapped scallops sitting on a bed of sliced mushrooms and cabbage, to me, is ridiculous… and I’ve eaten at some of the most explensive places in NYC, and at over 40 steakhouses in the area. OH – I almost forgot to mention the $18 martini (see the bar section below for the breakdown).
Bar: 8
My martini was made perfectly dirty; just the right amount of olive juice in there. But at $16.88 after tax ($15.50 on the bill), it came to $18 with the tip. This is by far one of the most expensive standard issue drinks I have ever had (obviously this doesn’t include a nice scotch at dessert, or a glass of expensive port wine). There are free fried bits of chicken at the bar, but does that make up for the cost of booze? They were great, crispy, and juicy (the ones I had anyway – my wife said her piece was dry). There is a big marble-topped bar, and it’s long (like Lex Steele). There was also a good crowd festering around for a hot summertime Friday; I guess everyone wanted to cool off with expensive drinks before getting on the expensive train to head out to the expensive beach towns for an expensive weekend.
Specials & Other Meats: 9
They offered a bunch of specials when we sat down: three different soups, two fish items, a shellfish app, and a beef item. We tried two of them (see below for the verdict). They also had a pasta item on special. You will notice a huge pasta, regular type entrée, and pizza selection on the menu here. WHY? What are they trying to be a fucking diner? Anyway… Aside from beef they have lamb and veal on the chops section of the menu as well, and chicken and pork chops in the entrée section. You can go ahead and order those if you are an asshole. I would drop a 10 here if I was completely satisfied with the special items we had, but there was just a bit lacking there, so I took a point.
Apps, Sides & Desserts: 7
We tried the cold cucumber and melon soup and the bacon wrapped scallops to start. The soup was cool and refreshing, and it was poured over a cream of some sort that you picked up with each spoonful. It was nice. The scallop dish was a little on the pricey side. In addition, it was a little heavy on the rosemary flavor, though it did have a good char on the outside. The bacon was nice and crispy, but at the cost of a slightly overcooked scallop underneath. Lots of times this happens when you (stupidly) wrap shit with bacon. Bacon is fine on its own. There is absolutely no need to go wrapping it around shit, especially if that shit can be overcooked and ruined. But listen up assbags; when you try cook both at the same time you lose. In order to properly cook the bacon without ruining the scallop, you need to halfway cook the bacon, catch some of the fat, then wrap the bacon around the scallop (while still rubbery and flexible) and baste the fat over the scallop as it finishes to impart the bacony smoke flavor into the scallop. In any case it was also a little too hot when served; I had to be careful not to burn myself. The plating was nice though, but instead of a bed of mushrooms and cabbage, I would have rather had another scallop or more bacon. On the side we had some creamed spinach. It was light but not lacking flavor. No complaints, but no accolades either; it was exceptionally average. Also at $12 for a dish it was pricey (though certainly enough for two to share). We passed on dessert this time.
Seafood Selection: 8
This would have been a 10, but they had NO OYSTERS and NO CLAMS. Other than that they did have lots to choose from. The specials were halibut and swordfish, and they were in addition to the standard menu items like lobster, seabass, tuna, crab cakes, and salmon. My wife had the lobster. It was a bit overcooked and chewy in parts, but it did have lots of the brains, guts and roe, which she likes. It was also chock full of meat, and the waiter pried most of it out of the shell for us tableside. OH – and the lobster came with a bowl of fresh corn as well. I can’t wait to see it polka-dotting my shit later.
Service: 9
Service wasn’t bad here, but our waiter kinda disappeared halfway through the meal. As a result, we didn’t get the birthday dessert thingy that they were going to bring over to us (probably a slice of cake or something). The host asked us if they did as we were walking out. Oh well; not such a big deal considering we were stuffed. Otherwise service was okay aside from the absentee waiter. He nicely de-shelled the lobster tableside, which is always fun to watch. If you are wondering, I tend to celebrate my birthday for a month or two in either direction of the actual date, because I am that awesome.
Ambiance: 8
It’s nice inside, but it doesn’t seem genuine, if that makes sense. Gallagher’s felt genuine, Lugers, etc. Sure: Bobby Van’s isn’t old style like them, but I even get a genuine sense out of the more modern joints like Del Frisco’s, Quality Meats, or Primehouse. I suppose it has something to do with being in a tourist and corporate zone (and serving up too much pizza and pasta), because the Bridgehampton location felt WAY more “real steakhouse” as opposed to “restaurant.” Anyway, it rocks some nice dark hardwoods, high ceilings, a big beautiful bar… but slightly small tables, and a somewhat cramped dining space (despite having huge, empty private dining rooms right there in plain view). An interesting thing I noticed was that the waiters all had similar style jackets to the one’s worn by the guys at Ben Benson’s; almost like a fancy, outdoor sport jacket, tan in color.
For those new to the world of steak, or for morons who are just not well-versed in steak lingo, this section should serve as a jumping-off point for all there is to know. The sections that follow trace the grades and quality, the origins, anatomy and cuts, the cooking styles, and the flavors of meat. Stop drooling and read on… ONWARD TO THE STEAK!
There are several common cuts of steak on a typical steakhouse menu. If a steakhouse doesn’t have some of the main choices, then it needs new management, or perhaps it is not a real steakhouse. These essential cuts are described and pictured below:
The Ribeye:
In most circles this is the true steak eaters steak; this is the real flavor of meat. A man’s steak, possibly only rivaled by the porterhouse in testosteronic manliness. As a connoisseur of meat eatery I will almost always go to the rib chop to really test the mettle of a steakhouse to its very bones. It is cut from the rib of the animal, and has a circular shaped chunk of meat encased in a thin layer of gristle just off the bone. In the center of the circle of carnivorous delight, there is ideally some good quality, melt-away marbled fat dispersed throughout. Don’t be alarmed at this. Good preparation of quality ribeye steaks will render the fat into a liquid – meaning the fat melt into the meat and add flavor to it. My favorite part of the cut, however, is the outer ridge, outside the gristle and away from the bone. This section is often several times more tender and juicy than the center of the chop, and it absorbs flavor like a sponge, so savor every bite. Some restaurants will call the ribeye a “tomahawk steak” if the entire rib bone is left on and french cut by the butcher, since it then looks like a small hatchet. It is common for butchers to cut the bone down a bit, however, for packaging purposes. In its unbutchered form, it is a tear-drop shaped slab of beef containing several steaks along each rib. French cutting exposes the bone neatly, trims away the excess and portions the ribs out into individual steaks. The ideal way to eat a good ribeye is simply grilled or broiled with kosher salt and cracked black pepper. A favorite for home cooking is to treat it beforehand with some olive oil and garlic if the quality is not prime (standard grocery store cuts), and then cook on a high-heat gas grill or BBQ for a few minutes on each side. Sizes and portions range from anywhere between 14oz to 36oz, most often hovering around the 20oz mark in restaurants. Often times it is seen served boneless, bone-in but with a shortened bone, or roasted whole and sliced as “prime rib” with some juices.
The Filet Mignon:
The Filet Mignon, meaning cute or dainty filet, is essentially a tube of “tenderloin” meat that runs along the spine of a steer. There isn’t much of it per animal, so it is coveted by meat enthusiasts, and therefore often expensive. It is possibly the most lean, tender part of the animal, so it makes for a great steak. This is the meat of aristocrats. Carnivore connoisseurs will argue tirelessly over which is the most flavorful cut – the ribeye or the filet. My personal opinion is that the ribeye offers the most flavor, but the filet consistently offers the best quality cut of beef. Cooking a filet at home can present a challenge in avoiding uneven distribution of color, since, to get a large enough portion size, the meat often has to be cut thick. The outside can be overdone and the inside underdone. Masterful meat mongers and manipulators know how to get the job done, however, so have no fear. Sizes range from 6-8oz petit filets (sometimes served alongside lobster for a “surf & turf” meal) to 10oz-12oz standard filets. The term filet actually means boneless, but there is a trend lately to leave a portion of a nearby bone attached to the filet to impart a more rich flavor to the meat. Hence the self-defeating, paradoxical “Bone-in Filet” verbiage you may see on a menu. Common modes of preparation are roasted with a sauce (sometimes whole, banquet style after the tough “silver skin” is removed, as done with chateau briand), grilled, or broiled. More recently masterful chefs have surmounted the problem of uneven cooking and temperature distribution by using the sous vide cooking method. Raw preparations include tartar (finely chopped) and carpaccio (thinly sliced and pounded/tenderized), usually served chilled and drizzled with olive oil, sprinkled with fresh herbs and garnished with micro greens and shaved hard cheese (such as parmigiano). The raw preparations are my favorite, and often times show up as an appetizer on steakhouse menus. Nothing better than getting ready to eat a grilled steak by… eating some raw steak!
The Strip Steak:
The strip steak is most often called the NY Strip, and often times called the Kansas City strip. But screw that city. New York is king. It may also be seen as a “shell steak” but that term is often associated with lower quality cuts The strip is cut from the short loin, from a muscle that does little work, like the filet. It contains fat in levels that are somewhat in between the tenderloin (virtually none) and the ribeye (plenty of good, melty fat), and has flavors and textures that are more uniform throughout, unlike the ribeye which has varying textures. For me, the Strip is best at medium or medium rare, to preserve the tenderness, and at a really great quality, something prime+. Generally I will try the strip at a steakhouse only after I have tried the ribeye. You will often see it marinated or rubbed with spices, to impart additional flavors, but grilling and broiling in the traditional style is fantastic as well. It can be served bone in or boneless. Leaving the bone in will impart more flavor and help with the cooking process, since the bone conveys heat into the center of the meat while locking in juices. At home, marinade this puppy in something like soy sauce and garlic, and slap it on the BBQ for a few minutes on each side and you will have the perfect home-cooked steak.
The Porterhouse:
Quite simply, the porterhouse is two steaks in one, a strip on one side, and a filet on the other, separated by a bone – the vertibrae. This is why you will often see it served “for two” – meaning two people – because they can be quite large (anywhere from 24oz to 48oz for a single portion, to more for multiple people). But screw that – eat it all yourself and be a man. Sharing is for assholes and pussies anyway. The porterhouse for two is often served on a steaming hot plate right out of the broiler, pre-sliced while it is still on the rare side, and then allowed to cook the rest of the way on the hot plate as you shove slice after delicious slice into your mouth and down your esophagus after dipping your meat in its own juices and masticating.
Want more info on those four cuts of beef? Check out Meat 201.
Below are some other cuts less commonly seen on steakhouse menus, though some are becoming more popular lately. If a steakhouse doesn’t have all these items, they don’t need to close up shop. However, I feel that every chop house should have at least the four main cuts above and perhaps Something from below: one or two preparations maybe, just to have some other options.
The T-bone:
After a certain stretch of vertibrae, the size of the tenderloin part of the Porterhouse gets smaller, and the strip side gets a little tougher, so the cuts are no longer considered top quality porterhouse, but, instead, standard T-bone steaks. They are often cut thin and flash fried or grilled. You don’t see them on steakhouse menus often, since they are not top quality, but they still have a lot of flavor and can be creatively prepared.
The Flank:
The flank is cut from the abdominal muscles. It is broad, long and flat with heavy striations or grain in the meat. As such it is much tougher than the other beef cuts, and therefore moist cooking methods such as braising are often used. It can also be quickly seared in a hot pan and eaten on the rare side to maintain tenderness. Flank steak is best when it has a bright red color. Because it comes from a well-exercised part of the animal, it is best prepared and eaten when cut across the bias or grain in the meat. Most stir-fried beef dishes and fajitas are prepared with this cut of beef (cut into small pieces and tenderized heavily). Other preparations include marinating or service with a chimichurri sauce.
The Skirt:
Skirt steak is not vagina. It is a long, flat, striated cut loved for its bold flavor. The outside skirt steak is the trimmed, boneless portion of the diaphragm muscle. This is covered in a tough membrane that should be removed before cooking. The inside skirt steak is a boneless portion of the flank trimmed free of fat and membranes. Skirt steak is also used for making fajitas, stir-fry dishes, and Bolognese Sauce. To minimize their toughness, skirt steaks are either grilled or pan-seared very quickly with high heat or cooked very slowly on low heat, typically braised, like the Flank. Similarly, because of their strong graining, skirt steak is sliced across the grain for maximum tenderness. To aid in tenderness and flavor, they are also often marinated. The skirt steak is sometimes called Roumanian steak. It is commonly grilled or barbecued whole, sometimes served with a chimichurri sauce.
Located near the flank and the skirt is also the Bavette cut.
The Hanger:
Sometimes known as “butcher’s steak” because butchers would often keep it for themselves rather than offer it for sale, the hanger is derived from the diaphragm. Hanger steak resembles flank steak in texture and flavor. It is a vaguely V-shaped pair of muscles with a long, inedible membrane down the middle. The hanger steak is best marinated and cooked quickly over high heat (grilled or broiled) and served rare or medium-rare, to avoid toughness. Anatomically, the hanger steak is said to “hang” from the diaphragm of the steer. The diaphragm is one muscle, commonly cut into two separate cuts of meat: the “hanger steak” traditionally considered more flavorful, and the outer skirt steak composed of tougher muscle within the diaphragm. Occasionally seen on menus as a “bistro steak”, hanger steak is generally marinated, grilled and served with chimichurri sauce. it can also be used for tacos or fajitas with a squeeze of lime juice, guacamole, and salsa.
The Shank:
The shank is the upper leg. Due to the constant use of this muscle by the animal it tends to be tough, so is best when cooked for a long time in moist heat, such as a braise. As it is very lean, it is widely used to prepare very low-fat ground beef. Beef shank is a common ingredient in soups and stock.
The Sirloin:
Sirloin is a steak cut from the rear back portion of the animal, continuing off the short loin from which T-bone, porterhouse, and club steaks are cut. The sirloin is actually divided into several types of steak. The top sirloin is the most prized of these. The bottom sirloin is less tender, much larger, and is typically what is offered when one just buys sirloin steaks instead of steaks specifically marked top sirloin. When the fat cap is left on this cut, it is called picanha in many south american countries.
The Flatiron:
Flatiron steak is from the shoulder and is usually 8oz to 12oz. They usually have a significant amount of marbling and can be very tender. It has become popular at upscale restaurants to serve flatirons from Wagyu beef, as a way for chefs to offer more affordable and profitable dishes featuring Wagyu or Kobe beef. It is also commonly referred to as a top blade steak, or an oyster blade steak (sometimes cut across the grain instead of along the seam of connective tissue that runs through the middle).
Directly beneath this cut is where you will find your Teres Major, or shoulder tender steak. You can also find the Denver Cut within the chuck shoulder as well.
Beef Short Ribs:
Beef short ribs are chunks of meat from along the ribs that are highly marbled with fat. Improper cooking can lead to tough texture. Often you will see “braised beef rib” on a menu. This is basically cooked in liquid, slow and low, until the thicker fat melts away, leaving you with extremely tender and soft, flavor infused meat. Some grocery stores, and asian markets in particular, have short ribs that are cut thin (a quarter to a half inch thick), sometimes with two or three cross sections of rib bones embedded within. The best way to prepare these thin cuts is to soak them in a marinade and then grill on high heat for a minute or two on each side.
Spare Ribs:
Spare ribs are the most inexpensive cut ribs. They are a long cut from the lower portion of the animal, specifically the belly and breastbone, behind the shoulder. There is a covering of meat on top of the bones as well as between them.
Brisket:
Brisket is a cut of meat from the breast or lower chest. These muscles support about 60% of the body weight of standing/moving cattle. This requires a significant amount of connective tissue, so the resulting meat must be cooked correctly to tenderize the connective tissue. Slow and moist cooking methods are most common, utilizing spice rubs or marinades, then cooking slowly over indirect heat from charcoal or wood. This is a form of smoking the meat. Additional basting of the meat is often done during the cooking process. This normally tough cut of meat becomes extremely tender brisket, despite the fact that the cut is usually cooked well beyond what would normally be considered “well done”. The fat cap often left attached to the brisket helps to keep the meat from over-drying during the prolonged cooking necessary to break down the connective tissue in the meat. Water is necessary for the process. The finished meat is a variety of barbecue. Other methods of preparation usually include braising or boiling for long periods of time, such as pot roast or corned beef, and sometimes spicing for making pastrami.
Chuck:
The typical chuck steak is a rectangular cut, about 1″ thick and containing parts of the shoulder bones. This cut is usually grilled, broiled or cooked with liquid as a pot roast. The bone-in chuck steak or roast is one of the more economical cuts of beef. It is particularly popular for use as ground beef, due to its richness of flavor and balance of meat and fat. The average meat market cuts thick and thin chuck steaks from the neck and shoulder, but some markets also cut it from the center of the cross-rib portion. Short ribs are cut from the lip of the roll. The chuck contains a lot of connective tissue which partially melts during cooking. Meat from the chuck is usually used for stewing, slow cooking, braising, or pot roasting.
The Chopped Steak:
Essentially a large hamburger; it is chopped meat or ground beef.
Marbling: Refers to the quality and look of the intra-muscular fat that is, ideally, evenly dispersed within the meat.
Choice: High quality, widely available beef (top 54% quality).
Prime: Highest in quality and marbling, limited supply (top 3% quality).
Certified Angus Beef (CAB): A program founded by breeders in an effort to certify that Angus cattle have consistent, high-quality beef with superior taste. The terms Angus Beef or Black Angus are loosely and commonly misused or confused with CAB in the food service industry. CAB cannot be legally used by an establishment that is not licensed to do so.
Wagyu: A term used to describe 4 Japanese breeds of cattle that are genetically predisposed to intense marbling of fat. For more info on this delicious shit, see THIS POST. There’s also two grading scales WITHIN the world of Wagyu. First is a letter and number pairing: A, B, or C and 1-5 within each grade, with A5 being the most marbled and C1 being the least. Then there is the BMS (Beef Marbling Standard) scale of 1-12. The best quality you can get in the US is A5 BMS 11. When it’s on a menu, it’s pretty fucking expensive, and usually sold by the ounce.
Kobe: Basically, this is beef from drunk, fat, happy Japanese cows, or so the myth goes. Under japanese law, Kobe beef is a very specific product from a specific place, from one breed of cattle, with very strict rules. It is said that the cattle are hand-fed using high-energy feed, including beer and beer mash, to ensure tenderness and high fat content. The cattle are also hand-massaged to reduce stress. I guess its only fair to pamper them if we are going to slice them up and grill them! NOTE that REAL Kobe beef is NOT available in the USA, so if you see it on a menu, understand that it is a knock off (though probably still very good) from a place other than Japan. For more info on this delicious shit, see THIS POST.
Grass-Fed: Cattle that have been raised exclusively on forage.
Grain-Fed: Cattle raised primarily on forage, but “finished” in a feedlot with grains to fatten them. Also known as “Grain-Finished.”
Certified Organic: Beef that’s labeled as such comes from animals whose production must meet a set of USDA standards. These animals are not allowed to receive any antibiotics or growth promotants, and can only be fed organic grass or grain. Certain vitamins, minerals and vaccines are allowed to keep the livestock healthy. Organically raised cattle may be finished in feeding operations but they must have access to pasture and be fed only organic feedstuffs.
Antibiotic-Free: It is a law that producers must wait a certain amount of time after administering an antibiotic before an animal can be slaughtered for consumption, to ensure that no traces of the antibiotic remains within the beef. These “withdrawl times” are strictly monitored and vary from 0-60 days based on the substance being administered. That means you can be confident that there are no antibiotics in the flesh of the meat you buy at stores or restaurants. Despite that safety assurance, U.S. consumer concern about using antibiotics in animal feed has led to a niche market of products with specialty labels. “Never ever” means that the animal was never given an antibiotic, for example, throughout its entire lifetime. Other labels tout the fact that the animal was not given any antibiotics in the last 60 days of it’s life, or from various points of its life cycle onward.
Dry Aged: After the animal is slaughtered and cleaned, cuts will be placed in a cooler. The beef must be stored near freezing temperatures. Also, only the higher grades of meat can be dry aged, as the process requires meat with a large, evenly distributed fat content. For these reasons one seldom sees dry-aged beef outside of steak restaurants and upscale butcher shops. The key effect of dry aging is the concentration of flavor. The process changes beef by two means. First, moisture is evaporated from the muscle. This creates a greater concentration of beef flavor and taste. Second, the beef’s natural enzymes break down the connective tissue in the muscle, which leads to more tenderness. The process of dry-aging usually also promotes growth of certain fungal mold species on the external surface of the meat. This doesn’t cause spoilage, but actually forms an external “crust” on the meat’s surface, which is trimmed off when the meat is prepared for cooking. These fungal species complement the natural enzymes in the beef by helping to tenderize, enhance and increase the flavor of the meat. Dry aging of beef is rare in super-markets in the United States today, due to the significant loss of weight in the aging process. Dry-aging can take 15–28 days, sometimes purposely done for longer periods of time, and will see up to a third or more of the weight lost as evaporated moisture.
Wet Aged: Wet-aged beef is beef that has typically been aged in a vacuum-sealed bag to retain its moisture. This is the dominant mode of aging beef in the United States today. Wet-aging is popular because it takes less time (typically only a few days) and none of the weight is lost in the process.
Broiled: Heat source from above, preferably an open flame.
Grilled: Heat source from below, preferably a flame heating a metal grill.
Seared: Cooked on a hot flat usually metal surface, like in a pan.
Sous Vide: Cooked in a sealed bag that is submerged in a temperature controlled bath of hot water.
Confit: Cooked slowly at low temperatures while submerged in liquified fat or oil.
Braised: Cooked slowly at low temperatures in a reducing liquid such as wine or broth.
Roasted/Rotisserie: Cooked slowly in surrounding heat, such as in an oven or over a pit, often rotated on a spit to ensure even contact with the heat source on all sides of the meat throughout the cooking process.
Fried: Cooked in hot oil or fat/lard.
Well Done: Grey throughout.
Medium Well: Slightly pink center, thick grey edges.
Medium: Pink center, grey edges.
Medium Rare: Pink throughout with slightly red center, seared edges.
Rare: Red center, pink edges with a sear on the outside.
This place is brand new in NY, taking over the location where Angelo & Maxies was located. There are three other locations around the states. I saw the website and it looked really impressive, so I was itching to get my mouth around some delicious steak and seafood there. A group of us decided to give it a try when a friend was back in town for a visit.
Flavor: 8
I had the bone-in ribeye. It was nicely cooked and even all the way through, but lacked a little bit of char and crisped edges. Otherwise it was well rested, juicy, and seasoned appropriately. The others leveled similar criticism about the meat, but I must say despite that mishap my steak was really fucking tasty, so I am only deducting two points. One of my buddies almost sprouted labia and ordered lamb chops, but he was quickly set in line and went with the ribeye as well. I wonder if he would have been happier with the lamb. You can see in the pic below that the meat actually looks wet and not crusted.
Choice of Cuts & Quality Available: 9
Vic and Anthony’s covers the basics in top fashion. They have two ribeyes; a boneless, and a bone-in. They have two sizes of filet, a boneless strip, and porterhouse for two. They also list “domestic Kobe beef” on the menu, a contradiction in terms (see earlier post on Kobe and Wagyu items in this country). Not a bad beef selection, though they would benefit from having one or two other cuts specially prepared, like a flank or skirt. They have toppings that you can order with your steak, like blue cheese bacon butter, or bone marrow bordelaise, but I am somewhat of a purist. I tried the blue cheese bacon butter on the side and it was actually really good, as was the bordelaise. Maybe they would have been good for fries, but I don’t like putting sauces on my meat as a general matter. As I’ve said in the past: this review blog isn’t about the dress; its about the meat underneath, so who cares about the fuckin’ sauce.
Portion Size & Plating: 8
The sizes are good here. They have 8oz and 12oz filets, 16oz strip, and 16oz and 22oz ribeyes. No size was given to the porterhouse, but they are usually around 36oz-40oz (shared between two people). As for the other items, the portion size was small for the cured meats platter, good for the creamed spinach, asparagus and mashed potatoes, and good for the creme brulee.
4) Price: 7
It seemed a little pricey for some of the items (cured meat platter and sauces specifically). The steaks are all just under $50, which is the new normal I guess. My bone-in ribeye, however, was $57. The total bill was $714 for 5 people (after tax but before tip).
Bar: 9
The bar was nice and big; the whole place is newly decorated, and there’s lots of glass everywhere, and wine bottles. The bar is set up like a square shaped island that splits the rear dining area from the front. The martini was made perfectly; cold and crisp, at $13. Also the location of this place is in a cool spot, near a lot of other walk by places, so it is definitely a cool spot to pop in just for a drink and some bar grub.
Specials and Other Meats: 8
On special they had several items, but nothing jumped out as sounding amazing. She talked about some of the “domestic kobe” items when reading off the specials, but I wasn’t that interested. I also restrained myself from taking notes during the meal like a dick. For “other meats” they had lamb chops, veal chops prepared two different ways, and chicken prepared two different ways. Not bad.
Apps, Sides & Desserts: 8
We ordered two dozen oysters and a cured meat platter to start. The oysters were AWESOME – in fact they were jerkworthy. Cleanly shucked, ice cold, creamy, briney, and crisp. We actually started with one dozen but as soon as we each had a few we knew we needed more. The cured meat platter was nothing really special. This is something that can be put together several times for $10 cheaper on a simple trip to the grocery store or deli. GOBBAGOOL! The creamed spinach was extremely cheese-laden and heavy. I liked it, but it was really like having an order of creamy blue cheese with a little bit of spinach threaded through it. Certainly not the traditional “mostly green” style, but interesting nonetheless. We also had some mashed potatoes, which were average, and asparagus, which was also average. For dessert we all had a few bites of an order of creme brulee, which was really nicely done. I love that shit. If I could, I would rub it on my balls like lotion.
Seafood Selection: 10
I was really excited to see Alaskan king crab grace the menu here. Really amazing. I wanted to order it as a side dish to be honest. They also had lobster tail (as well as full lobsters), pepper crusted tuna, salmon, a number of seafood pasta dishes, and a fish of the day, which was probably something that I willingly ignored during the reading of the specials. The app selection of seafood is also impressive, and covers a huge variety of cold items. If the seafood flavor is comparable to the oysters, then this place should get a score of 10 here. In fact I will leave it at 10 just for the oysters.
Service: 10
Theresa was our waitress, and should be commended for an excellent job. She was really great, and knew exactly what drinks we brought over from the bar when we sat down just by overhearing us talk about what we each had, what we liked, etc. Pretty impressive. She was also really sociable and friendly, and we welcomed her and other workers into our conversations about how shitty our HTC Thunderbolts are, about kosher beef butchering processes, etc. She turned out to be a great source of info as a matter of fact. The table breads were basic, but they were warm and crispy, and served with soft spreadable butter.
Ambiance: 8
The decor was all brand new but not necessarily my “taste.” There were lots of weird colors on the rug in the rear dining area, like a weird late 80s piece of wall art. There’s lots of glass and pillared areas with wine bottles interestingly displayed, which was actually very cool. The front and sides have booths, but there is also a lot of space for massive crowds of diners at tables. The bathroom was definitely shit-worthy; clean, nicely decorated. I was hoping there would be a bathroom attendant with shave gear, so I could have shaved my entire full beard and then returned to the meal clean shaven as if nothing happened, but there wasn’t one on staff. They did have thick paper towels with their Vic & Anthony’s logo printed on them.
Over the last two years I have heard nothing but great praise for BLT Prime. It was high time that Johnny Prime stepped through the doors here. This time was a birthday meal… for me.
Flavor: 9
You can certainly taste the quality angus beef in this steak. I had the ribeye and it was really great, other than the fact that it needed a touch of salt. The steak comes with a half head of roasted garlic and rosted bone marrow. That was amazing, but it was almost a little TOO much melty fattiness on the plate at once. Perhaps the marrow would have been better suited to go with the bread and chicken liver pate before the meal (which was psychotically amazing – for real, the bread is “stab your mother in the face” good). They claim to broil the meat at 1700 degrees; this should make for a great crispy char on the outside, locking in the juices beneath the surface, but my steak wasnt so crispy on the edges. They serve the meat with a steak sauce that is somewhere between a gravy and A1. It’s not bad, but certainly not for putting onto CAB quality prime beef. That would be tantamount to sin. Mortal sin, like eating the faces of limbless mentally challenged midgets after blowing inch thick rails of bath salts and getting naked in the streets of Miami with your homeless friends.
the ribeye
Choice of Cuts & Quality Available: 10
All the meat here is prime, aged, and Certified Angus brand, so you are basically guaranteed top notch cuts. BLT Prime boasts an impressive selection of carcass too. Two versions of strip: bone in “Kansas City,” and boneless “New York;” a filet; a porterhouse for two; a “cowboy” bone-in ribeye; and even a hanger. On top of that, they even have a small selection of “Kobe Wagyu” cuts (please refer to my prior post about Kobe and/or Wagyu beef in this country): a ribeye, a top cap, and a skirt, all boneless and all the same size (10oz). At least the menu had the good sense to explain that these were domestic cuts, not the real deal. They also have braised short ribs on their entree menu, and they offer a special organic porterhouse for two, in addition to a number of other dead animals. They have a host of sauces you can order to top your steaks as well, but I passed on those. This review blog isn’t about the dress; it’s about the meat underneath.
Portion Size & Plating: 9
Ounces are listed as follows: bone in “Kansas City” = 20oz; boneless “New York” = 16oz; a filet; porterhouse for two = 38oz; “cowboy” bone-in ribeye = 22oz; hanger = 10oz; fake Kobe Wagyu selections = 10oz. These portion sizes are average to slightly above average for steaks. Other menu items were slightly smaller in terms of portion size (with the exception of the bacon app and the special fish entree), but you get so full with all the little freebies that it doesn’t matter. My ribeye came out on a nice cast iron skillet, as did the peas and creamed spinach sides (in cast iron tubs). My wife’s whole roasted fish was served head on, beautifully plated.
whole roasted black bass
4) Price: 8
The prices for the main cuts range from $44 (filet) to $57 (bone in strip), and they seem fair. I’m not quite sure why the one strip clocks in so high. The ribeye is $10 cheaper and 2oz larger. The other items were a bit pricey. Our total bill was about $270 for three apps, two entrees, two sides, two desserts and a few drinks a piece. Not too bad, but some items felt wasteful. The oysters seemed a bit pricey so we skipped those this time around, but there were two kinds in my seafood platter (also high at $34). But it was delicious. On the other hand you can get a really great price fix menu of four courses for $60, which in my opinion is a steal.
Bar: 8
The bar was nice, modern, elegant, minimal, and clean. Great wood on the actual bar surface. A nice big image of the Wall Street bull graced the lounge seating area across from the actual bar. The martini was made well; crisp, clean, cold. It was $12. They also offer a great selection of specialty cocktails; we tried the blueberry bramble (gin, blueberry puree, lemon juice, simple syrup, shaved ice).
Specials and Other Meats: 10
On special BLT Prime had an entire menu of items. White asparagus, fluke carpaccio, whole grilled black bass, lamb rump roast, organic porterhouse, spring peas, shishito peppers, banana cream tart with praline ice cream, and chocolate fudge cake with mint ice cream. As far as “other meats” go, they offered braised short ribs, rack of lamb (in addition to the rump/lamb ass on special), veal chop and roast chicken. This, combined with the ample supply of traditional steaks and other specialty cuts demonstrates great diversity. On Sundays they even have a prime rib special for $47, and they have a daily price fix special of four courses (limited selection to the special items I first listed above) for $60. Awesome.
Apps, Sides & Desserts: 8
We ordered fluke carpaccio, bacon, and a seafood platter for apps. The platter had a small half lobster, two clams, two oysters, a rock crab claw and knuckle, and a few jumbo shrimp. The lobster was sweet and perfectly cooked. The crab was a little on the bland side, but still good. The shrimp were awesome, and the raw shellfish were really crisp and creamy. My wife liked the fluke carpaccio but I was a little put off by it; perhaps because I despise dill. But I was expecting more of an usuzukuri style japanese ice cold sushi dish, but this was still nice. The bacon was more like ham, and the fat between the meat was a bit too stringy to eat. It was also just warm, not sizzling hot like some places. On the bright side the order came with four strips rather than the standard one or two for the same price. I’ve been to places where the bacon ranges from $5-$10 per slice. Here it was $10 for four slices, but not nearly up to snuff when compared to other bacon apps I have had (in terms of flavor and quality). On the side we had the creamed spinach. It was pretty good. Rich flavor, creamy, with crispy minced garlic on top. A bit on the heavy side, however, and a little small in size. There was also the spring peas on the side. They were a bit too firm/uncooked and grainy for my liking, but fresh, minty, and flavorful nonetheless. They were dressed up with bacon and cipollini mixed in. For dessert we had the banana cream tart with praline ice cream, and they served me a complimentary order of birthday donuts with coffee ice cream and dark chocolate sauce. Both were delicious ways to end a great meal, and the ice creams that came with each were amazing, packing in lots of natural, mild flavors with smooth airy textures. By the way; the fries looked amazing but we were way too full to order anything else.
Wonderful seafood selection. In addition to the fully stocked app section (platters included), they also offered a wide variety of entrees. Dover sole, branzino, ahi tuna, Maine lobster and shrimp. On special there was also the fluke app, and the whole black bass entree. The bass had nice crispy skin, yet it was tender inside. It was HUGE too. Really beautifully cooked and simply delightful to both look at and eat.
Service: 10
Our waiter was AWESOME. I wish I remembered his name to give him some praise here (maybe Scott?). First come the incredible table breads; a nice toasty slice of soft yet crispy ciabatta bread with a latched mason jar of chicken pate to spread across it. Unbelievable. I was licking the spoon for every last bit of pate. Then comes the cheese popovers. Made fresh, they are hot, airy, and crispy on the outside and pillowy soft on the inside, with a nice briny cheese flavor throughout. We took a bunch of stuff home with us, but the waiter and bus boy gave us extra cheese popovers, fresh and hot, right in the bag. AWESOME! I would seriously come here just for the bread. It is THAT good. The best part: a recipe for the popovers is included with the doggie bag. There was also a freebie of thinly sliced (longways) fried plantains that went nicely with the seafood apps. Oh and also a freebie of mini rum cake brownies that came with dessert. They’re called “petits fours” in the foodie world, for you culinary morons, but that is a quiffy French term, so I don’t blame you for knowing about it or caring about it. Fuck that shit. Oh yeah and my dessert was free for my birthday. Holy shit! They wished me happy birthday… several times! As you can tell the service here is incredible, seriously. Last, if you fill out a comment card and sign up for a “BLT” credit card of sorts, you get 15% off your next meal there. Not too shabby, since I am almost certain I will be at a BLT establishment again sometime in the future.
chicken liver pate bread and cheese popovers
Ambiance: 9
The decor was modern and elegant, yet sleek, minimal and robust. The dark wood floors are stunning. Nothing here is overdone or too fancy; in fact the coolest feature is the gigantic menu they have posted on a fuzzy black board that takes up the entire left wall of the rear/main floor dining area. The main dining room boasts gorgeous, angled, greenhouse-style glass-paneled skylights that slope up to create a high vaulted ceiling. On the opposite side of the dining room there is an elevated area for private seating overlooking the dining room on one side and the bar/lounge on the other. There is also a private room downstairs for parties or gatherings. There’s even some outdoor seating, curbside, which is rare and awesome at a steakhouse. Another cool feature about this place is that the reverse side of the menu has a great pictorial beef chart that shows where virtually every commercially available (in the US) cut of beef comes from on the cow. It is so great that I need to share it with the beef community. The bathroom was clean and nice, with thick disposable paper towels in stacks beside the marble sink. A fine place to drop a deuce if needed.
I’ve eaten at J&R many times, at all locations on Long Island. It all depends on who is doing the cooking, really, but I’ve noticed that some locations are better than others. Patchogue, for example, is a better location than Islip. See below:
Flavor: 6
For the price, J&R delivers what amounts to an average choice grade steak. The sad part is that the steak here can sometimes taste as good or better than some of the places charging lots of money for a prime cut. I had the broiled ribeye here because in the past I have had the marinated ribeye. I almost went with a filet, but changed my mind last minute. This is the kind of place where a marinated steak is a wise selection, because the process imparts tenderness and flavor into the less-than-best cuts of beef. I enjoyed it for what it was: a cheap, local joint where I could chow on a half decent steak. The meat was cooked much more evenly and correctly as opposed to Islip, so I bumped the score up a point here.
Choice of Cuts & Quality Available: 7
This is essentially going to be the same as my earlier review of J&R in Islip, since they have the same menu and cuts available.
Portion Size & Plating: 7
Nothing has changed here either from the previous J&R review of the Islip location. One thing I will mention is that I didn’t think my steak was actually 24oz. I realize that several ounces cook away in the process, and that steaks are weighed before cooking, but this boneless cut seemed more like an 18oz-20oz cut to my eyes.
Price: 8
Again same as J&R in Islip. The bill for four meals was $108. Half the price of Murtha’s and a quarter the price of the big boys in NYC.
Bar: 8
I’ve raised the bar score for the Patchogue location by a point, because it is a nice long stretch of real estate with a great selection of beers and specials. It is also across the street from a great fun pub called the Brickhouse Brewery.
Specials and Other Meats: 6
See theJ&R Islip review again for this section – it remains unchanged.
Apps, Sides & Desserts: 6
J&R steaks come with a soup/salad and a side. I had a salad with blue cheese – nothing fancy, but it did the job. For my side I picked the creamed spinach, which was creamy but lacked character. The steak dinners also come with a little bit of steamed veggies on the plate (cauliflower, carrots, and beans). We skipped apps and desserts.
Seafood Selection: 4
J&R seemingly has a lot to choose from aside from clams and oysters. My wife had twin lobster tails, but they were EXTREMELY salty… like RUINED. Total suckage, because she could barely eat her meal. Her baked potato was the best part of the meal, she said. In hindsight we should have sent it back. I took two points here from the earlier review score for that major blunder.
Service: 8
Our waitress was nice – she even offered up an Italian ice place for us to grab dessert when she heard us talking about going on the hunt for ice cream.
Ambiance: 7
This J&R is much nicer than the Islip one in terms of bar, so that kinda overtakes the score on ambiance as well.
So here is another recipe for your meat eating needs. This time we are exploring the wonderful world of tubed meat; the hot dog. This recipe and technique has NEVER let me down when entertaining guests. It’s cheap, easy, and fucking scrum-diddly-umptious. In short this is the best fucking hot dog meal you will ever eat in your entire meaningless life. I call it the Chesapeake Dog.
INGREDIENTS
• the cheapest canned beer you can find
• half sour pickles
• hot dogs (preferably ones that plump while boiling)
• buns
• iceberg lettuce
• jalapenos
• onions
• ketchup
• dijon mustard
• sri racha sauce
• old bay seasoning
• bay leaves
• garlic powder
• pepper
• onion powder
• chili powder
• corn on the cob
• large boiling pot
• serving plate
• tongs
• a healthy sense of dick joke humor
STEP 1
Get a big boiling pot out onto your stove and dump an equal ratio of beer and water into it to serve as the base of your boiling liquid (for you complete idiots out there, that means three cans of beer and three cans of water, or six and six depending on how much you are making). I like to use Schaefer since it is usually under $7 for a 12-pack at my grocery store. Occasionally I will use Guinness as well, but that is kind of a waste of good beer, in my opinion.
Add your spices to the liquid – a few heaps of old bay, a few bay leaves, a healthy amount of pepper, onion powder and garlic powder too. You can drop an onion in there too if you have an extra laying around. Cut it up a bit so you can use it later rather than having a full soggy onion lapping around in there. Add your hot dogs and corn on the cob into the liquid and bring to a boil.
The corn is key here, because it adds a sweetness to the cooking liquid that will balance out the heat from the sauce you will make down below. Plus, nothing beats a good boiled corn on the cob as a side for your meat dish… except maybe more meat. Bust the corn in half if the pot is smaller.
STEP 2
While waiting for the dogs to blow up, you can prep your garnishes, fixings and sauces.
Slice the lettuce thinly, like the shredded lettuce you see at the sandwich shop. Slice your pickles and jalapenos long ways so that you can stretch them along the length of the hot dog buns when you assemble the dogs later on. Gather all ye sliced items neatly on a fixings plate and keep it all in the fridge until the dogs are done.
STEP 3
Now for the spicy onion hot dog sauce. First, thinly slice up an onion or two so that rings or long strips are formed (don’t chop, in other words). Leave some aside for raw garnish or toppings – add them to the fixings plate. With the remainder, you can chop into smaller bits if you like, but either way you must throw them in a small sauce pan on medium heat with a little olive oil at the bottom. Sweat them down so they get a little soft, and then lower the heat to simmer. At this point you can also add in the onion that is boiling away with the hot dogs too, or you can leave that for additional toppings later. Next add lots of ketchup so that the onions are covered. Stir often while trying to maintain light bubbling pops on the top. You dont’ want it boiling like crazy – just an occasional bubble. You’ll also want to add sri racha chili paste to your desired spice level during this phase as well.
STEP 4
Slam a Schaefer. Shotgun it if you still consider yourself a man. Get a good buzz going for yourself; after all, you deserve it. You have a huge pair of balls and a hot dog of your own swinging between your legs. When you are born blessed with equipment like that, there is a lot of responsibility that comes along with it. Slamming beers is one of those few male responsibilities than we can also take joy in at the same time. So drink up. The only place you need to go today is your backyard. Shit man, get tanked if you want.
STEP 5
Once the dogs are nice and fat, you can shut the heat before they start to split and burst. Don’t pluck them out of the water, however, until you are ready to assemble them on the buns. If desired, you can throw the dogs on the grill for some char flavor, but it is totally not necessary since these dogs will pack a nice flavor punch as is.
Remove the corn and onions with the tongs, letting them drip dry before transferring to a serving plate. Keep the onions along the side like a garnish, but coat both the onions and corn with a little chili powder.
STEP 6
Now you will get the hot dog factory ready; you will become a one man conveyer belt of meat. Here’s how you set them up for best eating practice:
Open bun, place pickle and jalapeno down first. Then create a nice cushion of shredded lettuce for the hot dog to sit on. Add the dog, and then top with the onion sauce and one or two thin slices of raw onion. Throw on a little dijon mustard and you are ready to rock.
Why all this work for a simple hot dog meal, you ask? Because they’re fucking better this way. The standard hot dog has no texture aside from the initial skin snap when you bite the dog, and that is almost disgusting. This method gives you hot and cold, it gives you crunch and softness, and it gives you sweet and heat, along with a really amazing grouping of flavors in general. So fuck this boring ass hot dog:
STEP 7
As always, eat… and then shit. As a side note, make sure you crack an inappropriate amount of dick jokes throughout the entire cooking, eating and shitting processes.
With Memorial Day celebrations upon us, I figured I would share a sure fire way to impress guests at a BBQ. I chose skirt steak because it is likely going to be one of the cheapest cuts you can find in the grocery store and still prepare it deliciously with very little effort. So hike up your skirts a little more, and show your BBQ friends the stankin’ ass pair of balls you have dangling underneath.
INGREDIENTS
• skirt steak
• olive oil
• lime juice
• lime – optional
• garlic cloves
• garlic powder
• kosher salt
• fresh cracked pepper
• fresh habanero pepper (or jalapeno, or dry crushed red pepper) – optional
• fresh oregano – optional
• tupperware
• a grill
• a pair of tongs
• a plate
• a knife
• a pair of balls the size of eggs
STEP 1
In the grocery store, look for a cut with the least connective tissue still clinging to it. This would be thick, white flappy stuff. You’ll have to trim some of that off when you get home, so if you can avoid it ahead of time, then that’s helpful.
It’s always best to cook it right away; the fresher the better. It may be a few days since it was butchered, maybe longer. I like to go to the grocery store and come home to immediately start cooking. No fridge needed.
STEP 2
Place the steak in a tupperware container with an inch or two of olive oil in it. The steak can fold over; it doesn’t need to be a huge tupperware container. Next chop up your garlic and peppers, because you are going to soak the steak in there with some crushed garlic cloves and chopped habanero peppers. This olive oil soak isn’t as critical with a fatty steak like skirt, but this technique also works really great on more dense meats, or cuts without much marbling or fat content. Also if you are too vaginal for habanero, or if your shitty grocery store doesn’t have them, you can use jalapeno, crushed red pepper flakes, or nothing at all. But if you don’t like spicy foods, then go fuck yourself because that means you’re an asshole anyway.
Leave it in the tupperware at room temperature if you plan to cook it the same day, which I highly recommend. Know that the longer you leave the peppers in, the spicier it will get, and the longer you let it soak in the oil and garlic, the more tender and flavorful it will get, as that shit soaks into the meat.
Whatever you do, DO NOT PUT THE LIME JUICE IN THE SOAKING LIQUID. Lime juice has acids and enzymes in the citrus that will break down meat and essentially cook it. In fact that’s how ceviche is made with raw seafood.
STEP 3
Wait. Even an hour will make a difference with this soak. And yes; you want the meat to be room temperature before it hits the grill. Occasionally you should turn the meat to ensure that all sides and surfaces are coated and get soaked in the goodness.
In the meantime you can start prepping your sides. I like grilled asparagus with steak, as I tend to shy away from starches when I am eating a steak dinner. Avoiding starch will leave more room in your gut for meat.
If you have a charcoal fired grill, you can start that up while you wait too. I use a gas grill because it’s fast. I’m impatient, so I like my grill ready when I am.
Let the grill get psychotically hot. Close the lid and crank it all the way. Some of the best steakhouses cook their meat at around 700 degrees for the initial outer cooking. They often use lower heat for thick cuts during a second cooking phase, to get the middle perfectly cooked without overcooking the outside. We won’t need to do that with skirt steak, since it is thin. So the hotter, the better.
STEP 4
Now that your meat has been soaking for a while, take it out and pat it dry with paper towels. Get all the oil off. You want the meat to hit the grill bone dry. It may seem like a waste of olive oil, but I promise you it will be worth it once you take that first bite.
STEP 5
Season the mother fucker generously with kosher salt, cracked black pepper, garlic powder, and whatever else your heart desires. But don’t overdo it otherwise you will drown out all the great flavor you just imparted into the meat during the soaking process.
This isn’t baking, so you don’t need exact measurements here or anything with the seasoning. My wife is a baker and the great thing about grilling as opposed to baking is that grilling is more free form, more relaxed. With baking my wife needs precision, and she needs her measurements to be as close as possible to her recipes. If she goes off a few grams everything can get screwed up. With grilling you pretty much have to be an invalid to fuck it up.
STEP 6
So your grill is hot as shit now, and you are ready to start cooking. Grab your tongs, a serving plate, the lime juice, and your meat. You’re ready to rock!
Lay the meat horizontally across the grill bars. When the meat hits the grill it should scream and sizzle. Nice and hot. That means you are going to get some great char lines.
So you’re wondering what the fuck the lime juice is for, right? Well here is where it comes into play. I like to use a spray bottle for the lime juice, because you don’t want to add too much liquid to the meat during the cooking process, otherwise you will steam cook your meat and it will turn gray and soft on the edges instead of that nice crispy charred outside that you expect when grilling. So just give the meat a good mist every so often to get that flavor on there. Another option is you can use fresh limes. Slice them up and lay them on the upper surface of the meat as it cooks. Then, when you flip the meat, put the slices back on top of the meat again, or surround the meat by placing the slices directly on the grill beside the meat. Trust me you’ll taste the lime. Last, you can also zest the rind onto the meat when you season it.
I also like to throw some fresh oregano from my garden on the grill during this time too. Throw it everywhere; on the grill, on the meat, on your prick, etc. It gives it a nice herb-kick!
STEP 7
Watch your watch. Two to three minutes a side on a steak this thin, and on a grill this hot, should be plenty. What I like to do is probably overboard; I like to do one minute with the top open, one minute shut. Then I flip the steak and do another one minute open, one minute shut. If it still needs more, I flip the steak again to get crossed grill marks (turn vertically) and do one minute open. Then flip the steak again and do the final minute with the grill top shut.
Think of it this way: closing the lid causes the center of the meat to cook more. However with a thin steak like this you may not even need to do the lid closing; it’s just a technique I thought I’d share with you assholes anyway. Also keep in mind that the more you flip and move the meat, the less defined grill marks you will have on the finished product (apprearance IS important).
STEP 8
Remove the meat from the grill with the tongs and let it rest for a few minutes. The meat is still cooking even though it’s off the heat, and the juices are still going to come out if your seasoning and crust doesn’t lock in all the juices. Whatever you do, DO NOT CUT IT WHILE IT’S HOT! If you cut it now it will bleed out and become a runny mess. When you let it rest, you give the steak the opportunity to reabsorb all the delicious, savory meat juices that would otherwise fall out if you cut it while it was still sizzling. That’s why I hate when steakhouses do this with the porterhouses for two or three people. They ruin it. As a result they have to add tons of butter to keep it succulent. Then you’re increasing your fat intake, you’ll get the meat sweats afterwards, etc. It’s not a good scene. With a hot cut you’d have to eat it fast, when it’s too hot. Then you burn your mouth. Then you can’t taste it because you blew out your taste buds. Then for the next three days you’re eating flaps of dead skin that slough off the roof of your mouth throughout the day. That sucks.
So let it rest. If you have any juices in your resting plate afterwards, you can reduce them down in a pan to create a sauce.
STEP 9
Slice into square shaped portion sizes by running your knife WITH the grain of the meat. However, while eating or when slicing prior to service, you want to use a really sharp knife and cut AGAINST the grain. This technique is referred to as cutting “on the bias.” This increases tenderness, makes for a nicer appearance, and the meat holds together better when the striations are cut in this way.
Garnish with a wedge of lime, and use that to dress the meat a bit with a quick squeeze before eating.
