uncle jack | Johnny Prime

Uncle Jack’s (west side) overall score: 83

My wife and I came here to use a Groupon that we purchased, which gave us a five-course steak dinner for two for just $99.

Flavor: 7
We had the options to choose a filet and a strip as our entrees, so that’s how we rolled. Both came in at 7/10 for flavor. They were cooked properly to medium rare, they had a good crust and sear on the outside, and they were seasoned properly.

Filet:

Strip:

I think they just lacked flavor due to the fact that they were such lean cuts. As a steak man, I tend to always go with a rib eye, which generally has more marbling, more fat, and therefore more flavor. For this reason, when cooking cuts like tenderloin and strip loin, many steakhouses will be quite liberal in their use of butter. Butter adds fat flavor back into the beef, and it triggers all sorts of cum-inducing sensations that start at your taste buds and end at the tip of your rock-hard cock. I didn’t taste too much butter at all, so my dick remained pretty flaccid throughout the meal. I did taste soy, which was nice, but ultimately it competed with the steaks natural earthy and aged flavor qualities. As a result, the steaks were just a little flat, and lacked flavor depth. Most of the score here is for good execution on the cook temperature and sear.

Choice of Cuts & Quality Available: 10
Uncle Jack’s has a really great selection of USDA Prime and dry-aged beef. Top notch stuff. There’s an elephant’s shitload of variety in terms of sizing, bones, cuts and even some specialty stuff like wagyu and kobe. An elephant shits large loads. That’s why I used that analogy there.

Portion Size & Plating: 10
The filet comes in three styles: puss-bag 8oz, 12oz, or manly 20oz bone-in tenderloin. I must say, ordering the big tenderloin here is not a pussy move. A little kid had one next to us and I felt like a rimmed out gaping asshole for sharing two steaks between me and my wife that, when combined in weight, added up to his one cut. That kid is going to grow up to crush so much pussy that he will STILL be crushing pussy while he rests between bouts of crushing pussy. The ribeye is 24oz (bone-in), the strips are 12oz or 16oz boneless, and the porterhouses start at 44oz (22oz pp). They also offer a cote de boeuf 44oz rib eye for two. Everything is pretty much on the large side here, which is good, and similar to Lex Steele’s penis. They even offer some wagyu and kobe selections as well. TONS of variety.

Price: 9
Since we had that great Groupon, this was a bargain. While it wasn’t the best steak we’ve had, I still feel that we got a good bang for our buck here.

Bar: 8
The bar is perpendicular to the windows on the right as you walk in, but there are a few high tops along the windows for people watching. The location, 9th avenue and 34th/35th street, is not the best for hanging out, as it is close to what I call “the armpit of the city” (the Penn Station and Port Authority areas), but the bar does mix up some nice cocktails. Although the waiter or bartender got my martini order wrong (see service section below), it still tasted great.

Specials and Other Meats: 8
There were no specials read to us that I can recall (probably because they knew we were eating from the Groupon menu), but they do offer pork, lamb and chicken for people who have too much estrogen in their bodies to properly enjoy beef like real men with dicks between their legs.

Apps, Sides & Desserts: 8
We had baked clams and a crab cake to start.

I like that they give you eight clams per order (they split the clams up between us when they served them). The spicy butter and lemon breadcrumb stuffing was good, and the clams were whole, quality Little Necks, not chopped up cherrystones or bait clams that were then re-inserted into a clam shell that wasn’t its own. As for the crab cake, we loved the sauce in which it was served. It was like a reduced crab bisque soup mixed with vodka sauce. Very flavorful, and the top of the cake had a great crispy crust.

Our salads were next. My wife went with the farmers mixed greens. Some of the greens were soggy, wilted and probably rotten, so that was a bummer. Otherwise the salad had great flavor from the cranberries and pine nuts, and it was well dressed, so that’s a plus. My caesar was pretty standard.

On the side we had creamed spinach and mashed potatoes.

That pic is just a combined plate that I was eating from, not the full size portions. These were both pretty good, but nothing too stand out. I liked the potatoes better, which is reverse from my usual preference when it comes to these sides.

Seafood Selection: 8
There’s tuna, salmon, “day boat fresh catch” and surf & turf (lobster tail, shrimp or crab oscar with either a filet or strip). That’s a decent amount of shit in addition to the standard shellfish on the app menu. But if you’re ordering seafood for your main course at a steakhouse, you better have tits and a vagina, otherwise you are pretty much an asshole. Go home.

Service: 7
Unfortunately we had some slow service here. The staff was all nice, pleasant and courteous, but we found ourselves waiting a while to get drinks and order food. It picked up a bit after that, but it was slow to start. This was a little odd since the place wasn’t too crowded when we went at 6pm. A few other things I found to be odd or a bit off: (1) The steak sauce doesn’t come out to the table with the steak. You have to ask for it. We didn’t get sauce (not a problem, but I always like to taste it), and I overheard another table asking for it since they didn’t get it either. (2) Also there was no bread basket. Finally, (3) this time I ordered my martini on the rocks instead of up. They made it up instead. Not that big of a deal, but figured I’d mention it. I didn’t send it back, and it still tasted great.

Ambiance: 8
This joint is old school, where waiters wear bow ties, tables are covered in white cloth, and the decor consists of wood paneling, large mirrors, exposed brick, ornate chandeliers and a patterned tin ceiling. It’s a warm and inviting atmosphere, yet classy and elegant, without being pretentious. It’s a classic steakhouse look and feel.

UNCLE JACK’S (WEST SIDE)
440 9th Ave
New York, NY 10001

Uncle Jack’s overall score: 85

NOTE: THIS PLACE IS CLOSED

Uncle Jack’s has three locations in New york. My buddy and I decided to give the midtown location a try. Overall the food was better than good. I’d definitely give another location a shot, especially since I was pretty hammered toward the end of the meal.

Flavor: 8

I had the ribeye (8/10), and my friend had the bone-in strip (7/10). Both were pretty good, though I liked mine better. There was a slightly marinated flavor to the meat that I wasn’t sure I liked too much, but the fat was good and melty, and there was nothing left on the bone when I was through with it. Can’t complain too much.

Choice of Cuts & Quality Available: 9

Uncle Jack’s has filet mignon in two sizes, a big ass ribeye, two sizes of strip, porterhouse for two or more, and a “Kobe” selection as well. Everything is USDA Prime, and dry-aged for 3-4 weeks. Top notch stuff.

Portion Size & Plating: 9

For the steak, the filet comes in puss-bag size (10oz) or awesome size (16oz). I must say, ordering a filet here is manly. That’s a full pound of no-waste beef. The ribeye is 30oz (bone-in), the strips are 16oz bone-in or 16oz boneless, and the porterhouses start at 48oz (24oz pp). Everything is pretty much on the large side here, which is good.

Price: 8 => 9 (see update below)

The price is a bit high, with the ribeye at $55, but this seems to becoming all too normal in the NYC steak world. Inflation is hitting the industry hard. Our total bill for a dozen oysters, the two steaks, two sides, and several martinis was $240. One great thing I noticed was that on Sundays they offer a $99 price fix lunch for two that comes with a shared caesar salad; crab cakes; choice of 10oz filet, 16oz strip, or a 2lb lobster; two sides; and dessert + coffee or tea. Freaking sweet!

Bar: 8

The bar is a little small; not the kind of place that will generate a crowd. But the bartenders are really nice, and they mix a good cold, crisp martini ($14). They offer a nice bar menu with things like “Kobe” meatball pops and “Kobe” sliders. A bit expensive, but it is nice to see the quality. They also have a pretty good single malt scotch selection.

Specials and Other Meats: 7

On special there were some appetizer items, and a veal steak. As mentioned earlier, they had “Kobe” offerings, which is fantastic (but be aware of the Kobe & Wagyu sham). This place doesn’t fuck around. On the entree menu there is NOTHING BUT BEEF (and lobster under surf & turf). Good for them, but not good for everyone. I like the boldness but I can’t give full points when the only thing regularly offered is beef.

Apps, Sides & Desserts: 9

We had a dozen Bluepoint oysters, and they were creamy, crisp, cold and refreshing. The creamed spinach was fantastic too – just right with the creamy and savory balance. We also had the sauteed mushrooms, which went really well with the spinach when you mixed them together. We skipped dessert.

Seafood Selection: 7

Uncle Jack’s has no real seafood entrees, aside from a surf and turf item. I am fine with that, but it’s a good thing I have balls between my legs, otherwise I might have wanted something more lame, like fish. For apps, they have the usual smattering of shellfish and seafood cocktails, but I can’t give a high review. See above. Without anything to offer, I can’t give full points, even though I dig their boldness for holding strictly to beef.

Service: 9 => 10 (see update below)

Our waiter was good – he knew his meat well. He talked about the need to cook ribeyes a little longer than strips, so that the fat has a chance to melt away a bit more. On the table we had a nice selection of warm breads and rolls. The butter was a bit hard though.

Ambiance: 9

Uncle Jack’s has a nice “exposed brick” look on the outer walls; elegant but classy and old fashioned looking. There’s a beautiful half-spiral stairway that winds up to a second floor when you first walk in, and it looks over the bar from the balcony railings. The downstairs has a patterned tin ceiling, and the upstairs has ornate molding and recessed trims with dark cherry and marble accents. They rock the traditional all-male wait staff with bow ties and vests, black and white. The crowd was slightly touristy based on the cougar count, and based on the fact that the older couple next to us was up from WV for a three-play weekend. Bathrooms were nice and clean, and smelled like apples and cinnamon due to a huge glass bucket of potpourri.

UPDATE 4/24/2016: Brunch

Uncle Jack’s offers an amazing brunch deal on Sundays for $34.95. You get unlimited bloodies, bellinis or mimosas, you get biscuits and popovers, a jar of ricotta and honey, and your choice between one of ten entrees.

If you’re not already full after those started, which you probably will be, the entrees are fucking dynamite. My wife went with chorizo, thick bacon, black beans, eggs and plantains.

My mom went with this baked eggs dish, which came with sausage and chorizo as well.

My dad had this burger, which comes with what I consider to be some of the best fries in town.

For an $8 upcharge, you can do the steak and eggs brunch, which is a nice 14oz strip steak that comes served in a skillet with potatoes, onions, spinach and eggs however you like.

This strip was an improvement over the one I tasted last time I was here. It was nice, juicy and flavorful. 8/10.

Given the amazing value that this brunch deal adds to the mix, I am bumping this score up by a point for price, from 8/10 to 9/10.

The service here is excellent too. Our waiter, Lenny, was great to converse with, whether it was about food in general or the latest TV show crazes. The manager, Wander, came to the table to check on us as well. He was very accommodating and even offered us a dessert on the house. We were so full by that time that we had to kindly pass. This place is a fantastic deal. I will definitely be back for brunch soon. There are five other things I wanted to try from the menu.

Chipping away at those items, my wife and I tried the house smoked salmon and the French toast bread pudding at the bar one afternoon. Richie, the bartender, was a total class act. Awesome barman, and I hope to get back soon.